Diary Of A Superior
by XxCrimsonOblivionxX
Summary: From milk domination to dancing cows, Xemnas writes it all in his bubble gum pink MANLY journal. What evil MANLY plans has the Superior cooked up? Find out by reading this hilarious short chapter fic! WARNING; This is pure crack, read at your own risk!
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own kingdom hearts, REPEAT I do NOT own kingdom hearts!**

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_Dear Diary..._

__"No, no this won't do at all, I am the Superior! Not a school girl!"

It was a quiet day for Xemnas. Everyone was off carrying out their missions and Xemnas was left to his quiet office all to himself in his big black comfy leather chair. A small book was placed atop his white office desk and a fancy black pen was held in his right hand.

With a bold long X he scribbled out the word diary and wrote,

_Dear MANLY journal thing,_

"Ah, much better." He said pleased. He then tapped the bottom of his pen on his chin and thought,

"Now what do I write?"

He thought

and thought

and thought

and for a change of pace he thought some more.

"I've got it!" He then began writing his thoughts.

_Today was one of the most spectacular days that's ever happened in a while. And since this is a diary_

"Ugh!" He groaned and scribbled out the word he just wrote and replaced it with...

_MANLY journal I can write down all my secrets and absolutely nobody will know but yours truly. All right, here it goes. Today Saix ALMOST found out about Mr. Whiskers. Apparently he had knocked before entering and I didn't hear him. I was busy telling Mr. Whiskers about my evil plans of dominating all the pet stores in the world! I'm so evil sometimes I can hardly believe myself. _

_So anyway back to Mr. Whiskers and Saix. Mr. Whiskers purred to my malicious plans and then Saix just walked in. My first natural reaction was to kill him right there. The good thing was is that Mr. Whiskers ran off to hide from him. I've never understood why he's so afraid of Saix, is it true that he IS a wolf? If Saix was a wolf and never told me about it, he'd have to be cast into the lake of fan girls in our basement. And that my friends is how Xigbar lost his eye. Those viscous creatures they are!_

DING!

"Oh my muffins are done!" Xemnas said gladly as he stood up in his chair.

"I better write that in..."

_Oh my blueberry muffins are done! It's my secret recipe too. My absolute favorite ones are the ones with the hello kitty sprinkles. But don't tell Marluxia, he may get jealous. Oh that's right your just a MANLY journal you can do no harm... No you can't! Oh no you can't my little MANLY book..."_

He then closed the diary ugh I mean MANLY journal after he noticed how crazy he was sounding.

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**END; Ok, tell me what you think I may need ideas so those are appreciated as well as reviews! :) Thanks for reading!  
**


	2. Xemnas likes dresses

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN KH OR LOLITA CLOTHING**_

_Dear MANLY journal thingy,_

_This is going to seem odd for me to say this but…_

_GASP! I JUST SAW THE MOST AWESOMEST LINE IN DESIGNER CLOTHING EVER! And_

_DOUPLE GASP! IT WAS ON SALE! IT WAS JUST SO PERFECT!_

_Ok I'm done with my capital letters phase now. But about the clothing I saw. It was this black frilly Victorian like dress with poofy long sleeves. Under was like a shirt thingy. It was almost like a turtle neck. I can't really describe it but it had a couple of buttons on the white shirt thingy and a black bow on the collar. I'm pretty sure the brand was called Lolita clothing._

_I beg to Kingdom Hearts that nobody finds this MANLY journal or so help me I will turn everyone into a dusk! So I was actually considering that the dress I saw would make an acceptable replacement of our black cloaks. I'm sure everyone would like it. And being the Superior they HAVE to obey me._

_Oh and if you're wondering about the muffins I had yesterday, they were delicious. Absolutely delicious. I was going to share them with the other fellow members but I couldn't help myself. Now it's another day at the gym for me. But then again, do I really need to use the gym? I really don't do much around here. Oh now I'm making myself depressed. I need a life. I guess I'm going to make some more muffins…_

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**END; 2 chapters in one day! :)  
**


	3. Santa Clause and Domination Over Milk

**Disclaimer; I OWN NOTHING**

_Dear MANLY journal thing,_

_Today I had to present a meeting to the Organization about the holidays. Since Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming around the corner I was actually hoping we could celebrate together. We've actually never celebrated these events but something tells me they're a lot of fun. _

_I'm having Zexion research on these so called 'holidays' so we can celebrate them properly. I heard Christmas is a time of year to send gifts to people. And I got to thinking about what I want. And you know what MANLY journal thing? I want a kitten. A nice, small and fuzzy kitten. Mr. Whiskers is old and fat and he doesn't do much. It's either a kitten or a goat. Goats seem nice. Or even a cow. It comes with milk…If I got a cow I can DOMINATE MILK! Yes! My evil plans are starting to formulate! I can be KING OF MILK and OTHER DAIRY PRODUCTS! _

_Again, sometimes I'm just so evil I can't believe myself. I also heard some people celebrate Christmas believing a fat guy in a red suit goes down the chimney and leaves presents under a tree and stockings._

_Here's my thoughts on this…_

_How does he actually fit down a chimney if he's fat? And what if people do not have chimneys? Is that why this Santa guy never comes here?_

_Who would even have a tree in their homes?_

_What person goes through your laundry and puts presents in your socks? The presents have to be tiny._

_Hopefully Zexion gives me a good explanation on this fat guy. _

_I'm actually thinking of adding a chimney so he can come and I shall take his heart! YES!_

_Well good bye MANLY journal thing I shall be back tomorrow._

**END: Thank You Maiya-chan and Kevian (guest) for the reviews! **


	4. Xemnas Says Goodnight

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN KH OR ANYTHING, ASK XEMNAS IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME**

_Dear MANLY journal thing,_

_I can't sleep tonight. I guess my thoughts of dresses, goats, kittens, fat guys in red suits, and domination over pet stores and dairy products has my mind busy. _

_Maybe if I say goodnight to everything, that'll make me tired! Yes! I am so smart sometimes I can't believe myself. I know there's this book called 'Good Night Moon' that I haven't read in a week or so. So I'll just say goodnight to everything like it does in the book._

"_Goodnight room, good night Kingdom Hearts moon, good night MANLY journal, goodnight fuzzy pink pajamas and my matching night cap that has a fuzzy pom- pom on the top._

_Goodnight blueberry muffin crumbs that happen to be on my bed. _

_Good night comfy black leather office chair that creaks every time I sit in it because I need to loose weight, good night Mr. Whiskers who is cleaning himself disgustingly. Oh now he just fell over. _

_Good night vacuum cleaner that I haven't used in 4 years._

_Good night fat guy in the red suit where ever you are, good night my chocolate candy bar stash that is hidden in my closet, good night moldy slice of pizza that somehow got stuck to my ceiling. _

_Good night computer that makes me look professional even though I only use it to go on Strawberry Shortcakes website to play fun games with her berry best friends._

_Good night remote control that makes it easier than getting up to turn on my flat screen, goodnight my fuzzy teddy bear named Hearts who will one day dominate the world with me._

_Good night_

And that's when Xemnas fell asleep.

**END; Thank you for reviewing and reading! **


	5. Green Giant is Santa Clause?

_**Disclaimer; I do not own anything mentioned in this story.**_

_Dear SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY journal thing,_

_I have changed the title on this bubblegum pink hard covered MANLY journal. It seemed more manlier if I added in the words, SUPER ULTRA DELUXE._

_So anyway, today I was watching my favorite program called the Style Network when this ad interrupted. Sure I was outraged because this lady was just getting to the good part on what to wear for the fall season. _

_The ad was about a tall muscular green guy. My first thought was the Hulk from that new Avenger's movie that Demyx watches, but then it he reminded me of Lexeaus. Lexeaus? On TV? What in Kingdom Hearts is going on?_

_He was wearing leaves. Lexeaus doesn't wear leaves. Who wears leaves? At the end, he spoke in a language and I recall he said something like this, "Ho,ho,ho Green Giant!" Was that guy some sort of heartless? Here are my thoughts…_

_The guy obviously isn't Lexeaus_

_How did he get so muscular? Maybe we could use him as an addition to the Organization_

_Are leaves the new fashion statement for the fall season? It makes sense…_

_What Language is he speaking? I've never heard of ho,ho,ho being used._

_Wait a second; I now recall that the fat guy in the red suit that I discussed about before speaks the same language! I have found the Santa guy! He's in my TV!_

_The next time he interrupts my program I will successfully leap inside my television and steal his heart! _

_OK that's six thoughts, but the last one is genius! Yes, it will work! IT WILL! OH I'M SO EVIL AND SMART THAT I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF! _

_I will capture Santa and I will force him to get my ALL the things I want, then steal his heart! But how could some fat guy appear on TV with muscles? I thought he was fat. Does he work out during the rest of the year when it's not Christmas time? Now I'm left with more questions to ponder…._

_Goodbye DELUXE SUPER ULTRA MEGA MANLY journal. Or was it SUPER DELUXE ULTRA MANLY journal? Oh it's SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY journal!_


	6. Pencils or Markers?

**Disclaimer; I own nothing, ask Xemnas. Hurricane Sandy is the main reason why you haven't seen any updates, I'm sorry about that. Well here it is! **

_Dear SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY journal thing,_

_I haven't been writing in this journal because I was at the Hospital That Probably Is and I still am. _

_Apparently my genius plan of going through my Television wasn't such a good idea. I don't remember much of what happened but Saix says I fainted and my head crashed right through the T.V plus I have really big boo boo's on my head. _

_Speaking of boo boo's I have a one on my finger that hurts every time I write. But the good news is that I have a Strawberry Shortcake band -aid to protect my little finger from all the bad germs out there! _

_Also since I can no longer be in charge until I recover, I need someone to take my place for a while… _

_WHICH WILL NOT HAPPEN! I 'M THE SUPERIOR! I AM THE ONE, THE ONLY, THE BRAVEST, SMARTEST, HANDSOMEST, AND THE BERRY BEST LEADER THERE WILL EVER BE! _

**My pencil just died! GASP! THE LEAD JUST SNAPPED RIGHT OFF! It was my favorite pencil! I will treasure its poor soul until I can bring it back to life with a sharpener! Maybe it's because I have been pressing down so much when I was writing about how awesome I am… **

**Markers… I hate them. I'm only using one right now because it was the closest thing I could grab. BUT THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I WILL USE ONE DUE TO THESE REASONS!**

**1. Markers come in too many different colors**

**2. You can't sharpen them**

**3. They're too fat**

**4. When I sharpen my pencil I feel more attached to it, like I'm taking care of it. You can't get that with markers!**

**Those are my 4 main reasons. Pretty good reasons too! I am really craving a muffin right now SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY journal, sigh… If only journals could make me muffins…**

**Oh here comes the doctor, he says he needs to take tests. GASP! NOW HE JUST SAID TO PUT MY JOURNAL DOWN SO HE COULD TAKE MY BLOOD PRESSURE! HOW DARE HE! I WILL NOT LET THIS HAPPEN I **

**And that's when Xemnas stopped writing because they drugged him. Apparently he threw a fit.**

**Anyway thanks for reading! Again I apologize for not updating. My other stories will be updated soon! **


	7. Turkey Legs and More Muffins

**DISCLAIMER; I DO NOT OWN KH**

_Dear SUPER MANLY journal, _

_Ahhh… The holiday Thanksgiving is approaching us all tomorrow. I can't wait to dive in to those turkey legs! Xaldin is the chef around here and today he started making the meals. He cooked 5 turkeys because I LOVE my turkey legs and turkeys only come with two legs so I made him get more. Oh and the potatoes! Don't get me going on those… and most importantly…_

_THE MUFFINS! THE MUFFINS! THE MUFFINS! I always make dozens of my famous secret recipe that was so secret that you could only find the recipe online. IT WAS THAT SECRET. _

_So anyway, I can't wait to get stuffed up and do absolutely nothing tomorrow. Wait a second, this sounds awfully familiar… NO, IT CAN'T BE! IT'S…_

_MY DAILY ROUTINE! _

_I'm making myself depressed right now, but is it really depression? Nobodies can't feel. My everyday so-called life is boring, all I do is sleep, eat, do nothing, lather rinse and repeat. It sounds boring and dull; I need some excitement in my day. But I can't FEEL excitement. _

_Or can I?_

_So tomorrow after I eat all day and take my cat nap I will finally put my milk domination plan in process! But I'll get to that AFTER Thanksgiving, because I need my turkey legs first._

_YES! I AM SO EVIL!_

_Oh and I finally brought my pencil back to life! That pencil better be thankful it's still alive. I didn't have to sharpen it you know! _

_So anyway, now looking back at what I just wrote I have discovered something really important that I need to do with my life, something fulfilling and amazing…. _

_I NEED TO MAKE MUFFINS._

_Yes, so farewell MANLY journal I will see you tomorrow, good night and sweet dreams!_

_**END; Thanks for reading you awesome people!**_


	8. Saix Meets MrWhiskers

**Disclaimer; ME NO OWN KH!**  
**THIS ISN'T A DIARY ENTRY, **Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses gave me this idea.

"Hmm…The superior is always sure to answer his door…" Pondered Saix after he had knocked softly at the Superior's door. He looked both ways down opposite ends of the bleach colored hallways and slowly opened the squeaky door. He slipped his head in through the door crack and found no Superior in sight. He looked behind and when he had found nobody's presence he let himself in.

_**MRRREOOOWWW!**_

Saix jumped back at this sound and froze in place. He frantically searched the entire room. There was nothing or nobody on the ceiling, the walls, or on the floor. But the only place left to look was behind the Superior's desk. Saix swallowed hard and summoned his weapon. He took short slow strides as he approached the desk.

_**MRRRREOOOWWW!**_

There it was again. And this time Saix had swung his claymore and sliced off the top of Xemnas' black leather office chair that would squeak whenever someone over weight sat in it. Xemnas wouldn't have to know he did it.

_**MRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWW WWW!**_

A giant ball of fuzz leaped into Saix's face making him unable to see. It happened so fast he couldn't tell what that black ball of fuzz was. He felt very intense sharp pain that stung on the back of his head.

Saix yelped in pain and tried to pull whatever he had off his head. It only seemed to dig its claws into his scalp deeper.

Since pulling wouldn't work, Saix, (trying as best as he could, he can't see mind you.) made his way to a wall and slammed his head against it. Whatever the force that was on his head leaped off with a…hiss?

The Lunar Diviner spun around and met his fierce ferocious enemy… it was …

A fat cat?

"You!" Saix yelled pointing his claymore at the chunky feline. This innocent cat couldn't of been the attacker, could it? It's black, shiny wide eyes and its pouty little face…

_Meow? _

It sounded so innocent; Saix couldn't hurt a little kitty like this… His weapon suddenly disappeared from Saix's hard grasp and he began walking toward that cat. He kneeled down in front of it and began to pat its black, soft head.

**MRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!**

Uh oh, it was a trap! This fatty played Mr. Innocent! With his claymore in hand Saix was ready for battle. This little kitty is going down. What will happen next?

_Find out next time on Woody's Roundup!_

What? Saix's gaze went from the cat to Xemnas' Plasma; apparently it had just turned on. Why would the Superior watch something as childish as this? Woody's roundup? That's for five year olds not 40 year old Superior's. Oh no.

**MMMMMMRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWW WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!**

That cat screamed so loud, it vibrated the entire castle.

No! The television was a distraction!

"How dare you!" Saix yelled.

The cat suddenly was standing on its hind legs and somehow a sword just appeared in his right paw. Is that possible?

"But you have to admit, it was a good idea, and perfect timing with the 'Found out next time part' it was pure genius it made this feel more epic." Saix added on with a more relaxed tone.

"Why thank you." The cat spoke in a sharp British accent. WAIT. IT TALKS? They both shook hands (or rather paw and hand) with a cheesy smile like they were the best of friends, then snapped back into what they were doing earlier.

Saix jumped back and got into a battle stance, and the fat cat did the same exact thing.

The lunar diviner leaped forward and was about to smack that fat old cat.

"Mr. Whiskers! Dinner!" Xemnas announced loudly from down the hall in a sing song tone.

Uh oh…

Saix quickly teleported out of there.

The cat's sword disappeared and was back on all fours.

"I got you your favorite! Chunky tuna in gravy!" The Superior announced while walking in with a white small cat's dish placed on a matching saucer.

_Meow_

"That's right! Daddy even heated it up for you!" Xemnas placed the dish and the floor. He watched his cat lick up its food happily and then he noticed…

**MY ULTRA DELUX SUPER COMFORTABLE CHAIR THAT I SIT IN TO WRITE IN MY DIARY! I MEAN MANLY JOURNAL! I NEVER SAID THE WORD DIARY! I SAID JOURNAL EVERYONE! GET THAT CLEAR!**

Will Xemnas ever know?

**End; thanks for reading!**


	9. Broken Tables and Chairs

**Disclaimer; I OWN NOTHING**

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_Dear SUPER ULTRA MEGA DELUXE MANLY journal,_

Thanksgiving was the best! Xaldin is the best chef! My tummy is nice and full after eating 10 turkey legs… The only bad part of eating the dinner was that Axel, and Roxas thought it was a good idea to start a food fight! Number 13 almost snatched a turkey leg for ammo, BUT I managed to stop Roxas by jumping out of my seat and body slamming him onto the table, just before he grabbed it. It was epic I tell you, but I ended up snapping the table into two pieces. **NOBODY MESSES WITH MY TURKEY LEGS!**

Oh boy I need to go to the gym I can't zip up my cloak anymore, I ate too much so I am wearing my big silk purple pajamas complete with silk purple night cap with a pom -pom!

My stomach is as big as Mount Everest. No, it's bigger I'm sure it's bigger.

Oh and hear this MANLY journal,

I came into my office today to feed Mr. Whiskers and guess what? MY CHAIR WAS CHOPPED OFF! Yes! That poor innocent chair had been sliced at the top! It's not comfortable to sit in anymore!

WHOEVER DID THIS SHALL PAY OH YES THEY SHALL, SOON I'LL HAVE ALL COWS AND OTHER DAIRY PRODUCERS UNDER MY CONTROL ALONG WITH THEIR MILK AND THEY WILL KILL THE ONE WHO DID THIS!

So guess where I'm writing now? I'm sitting on my office couch and when I sat in it, the whole thing creaked! I heard something snap too.

I think I am the fattest thing alive today (Or am I alive?) I have never been this fat in my entire no-life or my life-life. I couldn't make it through the door way to my office so I had to teleport in! I shouldn't have eaten those tempting turkey legs no matter how delicious they looked… OH THE DELICIOUSNESS OF THEM ALL! I WANT MORE!

And if you're wondering about the muffins, they were a hit! I ate all 2 dozens! MMMM….MUFFINS…MUST GET MORE MUFFINS!

OK, so tomorrow I'm going to the farm in a far away land to overpower the cows and get them under my control, and once I do that they will produce milk under my command! Then, I can make a milk gun and blow up other planets using milk! OH THE SHEER EVIL OF IT ALL….

Well goodbye MANLY journal, I hope you liked the muffin I gave you, even though you didn't eat it. WHY CAN'T YOU EAT IT!?

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**End; THE PLANS ARE ALL COMING TOGETHER…**


	10. Demyx Finds MrWhiskers

**Disclaimer; ME NO OWN KH Thanks for the reviews guys! FREE DELICIOUS MUFFINS AND COOKIES! (::)**

**Since I got positive feedback, I made another Saix and Mr. Whiskers chapter!**

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"Why DOES the Superior have a feline in his office? If it's not his, how did it get there?" Pondered Saix as he was strolling through one of the many bleach colored halls throughout the castle in a thinking pose much similar to Zexion's.

_Meeooow_

The Lunar Diviner jumped in place and completely froze. After swallowing hard he slowly turned around to meet the one he was now afraid of

Mr. Whiskers.

"You!" Saix yelled while pointing a finger.

The cat began to stand on its hind legs,

"Now pointing is not polite." Mr. Whiskers said in his British accent.

"Who are you?" Saix asked managing to keep his cool.

"Me?" The feline started as he began to walk slowly towards him, "My name is Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenberg erdorffvoralternwarengewisse nhaftschaf  
erswesenchafewarenwholgepfle geundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutze nvonange  
reifenduchihrraubgiriigfeind ewelchevorralternzwolftausen djahresvorand  
ieerscheinenbanderersteerdee mmeshedrraumschiffgebrauchli chtalssein  
ursprungvonkraftgestartseinl angefahrthinzwischensternart igraumaufde  
rsuchenachdiesternwelshegeha btbewohnbarplanetenkreisedre hensichu  
ndwohinderneurassevanverstan digmenshlichkeittkonntevortp flanzenund  
sicherfreunanlebenslamdlichf reudeundruhemitnichteinfurch tvorangreifen  
vonandererintlligentgeschopf svonhinzwischensternartigrau m."

Saix was dumbfounded. "Wait, can you repeat that?" He asked.

The cat sighed with annoyance,

"If you insist, my name is Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenberg erdorffvoralternwarengewisse nhaftschaf  
erswesenchafewarenwholgepfle geundsorgfaltigkeitbeschutze nvonange  
reifenduchihrraubgiriigfeind ewelchevorralternzwolftausen djahresvorand  
ieerscheinenbanderersteerdee mmeshedrraumschiffgebrauchli chtalssein  
ursprungvonkraftgestartseinl angefahrthinzwischensternart igraumaufde  
rsuchenachdiesternwelshegeha btbewohnbarplanetenkreisedre hensichu  
ndwohinderneurassevanverstan digmenshlichkeittkonntevortp flanzenund  
sicherfreunanlebenslamdlichf reudeundruhemitnichteinfurch tvorangreifen  
vonandererintlligentgeschopf svonhinzwischensternartigrau m."

Saix was wide eyed. "What kind of name is that?"

"A name of much importance." The feline summoned his sharp sword and pointed it at Saix.

"Well, well, well, what kind of experiment of Vexen's are you?" Saix took a step back from the dangerously sharp sword but the cat who I'm going to call Wolfe for short took a step forward.

"Experiment? This is nonsense I-"

"**KITTY!"**

Both heads turned to the right to see Demyx running after them with arms opened.

"Oh no." They both said in unison.

When Demyx was close enough, he picked up the fat cat and cuddled it even with its sword still in his paw.

"Good, nows my chance to get out of here…" Saix mumbled as he slowly took steps sideways hoping Demyx wouldn't notice.

The Melodious Nocturne stroked the cat's head with the back of his hand, the very evil eyes it had just had, had turned wide and he began to purr.

"Aww it likes me Saix! Where'd you get him? Saix?"

But the Lunar Diviner was gone, just like that.

Demyx shrugged it off and rocked the cat back in forth in his arms,

"I'm gonna call you… Gerald… No Frank! Hmm… Maybe Dave? No! Gerald it is!"

The Melodious Nocturne had a big cheesy grin on his face as he began walking back to his room with the purring Gerald or Mr. Whiskers or Wolfe in his arms.

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**XxXxXxXxXx**

"Well glad that report is done!" Exclaimed Xemnas rather loudly as he cracked his knuckles. He was now going through mission reports and sitting in a BRAND NEW leather office chair Saix bought him, Xemnas was confused as to how he knew his chair had been damaged but he was just happy that he had a new comfy chair.

"All right! Lunch time !" He got out of his chair WITHOUT a squeak for the first time! This chair was able to manage his heavy, VERY heavy weight.

"Mr. Whiskers?" He called out again. Still no response.

"That's strange, he always comes when I call, hmmm… he's probably stuck in a door way again. Better go and get him before somebody finds him."

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**XxXxXxXxXx**

"I'm Demyx! I'm gonna love you, and feed you, and cuddle you and change your diaper and brush you and play with you!" Demyx was so excited to have a new play mate even if it was an obese cat, he still loved it.

He was sitting cross legged on his bedroom floor and was making a small bed out of his bed sheets for Gerald.

The fat and lazy cat didn't seem to acknowledge what Demyx was doing; instead it was going to attempt a very, VERY HARD AND DANGEROUS jump into his new owner's comfy blue chair.

He was ready, the beast wasn't sure if he could make it, it was a life or death situation and he was going to do it. Getting ready, he shook his rear and leaped into the air just barely making it, he grabbed onto the ledge of the cliff. If he fell he was going to die, and fall a long way down, he didn't stop. He used all his mighty strength to pull himself up, he wasn't ready to die.

"Oh, lemme help you there Gerald!" Demyx said happily as he got up from his sitting position and over to the chair Gerald was having trouble with. The Melodious Nocturne had lifted Gerald's rear to help him in the chair, which worked.

"There ya go! Man, you are a pretty fat cat…But I like you!" He sat back down on the floor and was trying to form the sheet into a circular bed for Gerald and trying to make it as comfy as possible.

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**XxXxXxXxXxXx**

"Oh Mr. Whiskers!" Xemnas called out loudly. He was searching for his beloved fat cat in the hallways of the castle.

"Hmm… He never leaves my office…"

"Do you like it? Huh? Huh? Huh?" Demyx asked Gerald after he had scooped him up from the chair and into his new bed on the floor.

Gerald just replied by plopping down and scrubbing his stomach.

"That's a good boy! Yeah, who's a good boy? Huh? You're a good boy! Yes you are! You're daddy's little angel!" Demyx cooed as he petted Gerald's big stomach.

With a loud squeak Demyx's door suddenly flung open and smacked the wall with a THUD.

"Demyx, how many times have I told you dude to take your toys out of the- Hey is that a cat dude?" It was no other but Xigbar. He slammed the door closed and kneeled down beside the fat cat.

"Yeah! It's Gerald!" Demyx replied as if Xigbar just walking into his room like he owned it wasn't a big deal.

"**MR. WHISKERS!"**

"Hey, isn't that the boss man?" Xigbar questioned as he stood on his two feet.

"Sure sounds like him."

"Who's Mr. Whiskers?"

"Beats me." Demyx replied with a shrug.

"Wait a second…" Xigbar trailed off, "Could it be that cat of yours?"

"You know, I never actually knew where he came from I just found him in the hallway with Saix." Demyx replied giving Gerald another belly rub which he enjoyed.

"If that's the Superior's cat and he never told us about it, then I do wonder what other things he's got hidden in that office of his. And oh do I see sparkles and light bulbs…"

"Sparkles and what? Oh no Xiggy! Are you a vampire? Oh no! Kingdom Hearts help me! Help us all!" Demyx yelled as he began running in circles around his room with his hands in the air.

The free shooter sighed and smacked Demyx in the head when he came running by.

**SMACK!**

"Ouchies! Hey what was that for?"

"I say you distract Xemmy and say you found the cat and I'll sneak into his office." Xigbar explained in a whisper.

Demyx rubbed his forehead where Xigbar smacked him and said,

"Oh, we should have like you know um… Signals! Yeah, like if something goes wrong or If Xemmy is going to his office I'll yell something like, Cock-a-Doodle-Doo! Or um… Wooo-Ooo-Wooo-Ooo!"

Demyx continued doing random outbursts and Xigbar just replied by a roll of his eyes.

"Or Nanananananana Bat man! Or we could use a code like the butterfly has wings! Or we could say I'm David Hasselhoff or-"

"Demyx."

"yeah Xiggy?"

"Just use something more subtle like-"

"You like the David Hasselhoff one? Great! Then it's settled!"

Xigbar face palmed himself.

* * *

**End; Will Xigbar find Xemnas' MANLY journal? Or will Saix warn everyone about the cat?**

**Oh and if you pronounced Mr. Whiskers name, that's AWESOME SAUCE you get... A KAZILLION COOKIES!, by the way it is a real name, look it up.**


	11. Mr Whiskers Is Missing!

_**Disclaimer; as I've said before I own nothing**_

* * *

_Dear CHIPS AHOY DELUXNESS MANLY journal,_

I've decided to write Chips ahoy Deluxness because I love chips ahoy cookies. They're soo delicious, but my muffins are still number one! And guess what else SUPER ULTRA MEGA DELUXE MANLY journal?

My old cat Mr. Whiskers has gone missing! I was going to feed him his lunch and then go to the farm to overpower the cows but HE'S MISSING! I can't do anything with my baby missing! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD!

I searched every nook and cranny of the castle. Hmmm… Cranny sounds like Granny or cranberries or even GRANberries! Granola berries! Granny's granola berries! OK, I'm getting too off track but ANYWAY.

I've searched everywhere except the members' rooms. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't have gone into their rooms, but what if he did?

Xigbar could've used him for target practice!

Xaldin could've used him in tonight's dinner!

Vexen could've used him in his experiments!

Lexaeus could've used him for… Um…. Let's skip him

Zexion is allergic so he wouldn't do anything… Maybe

Saix could've gone berserk on him!

Axel could've lit him on fire!

Demyx could've drowned him in the bath tub!

Luxord could've taken him to the Casino as a bet!

Marluxia could've used him as fertilizer!

Larxene could've electrocuted him for fun!

Roxas could've… hmm I'm not sure what he could do to an innocent kitty…

But being a daddy of Mr. Whiskers, I'm nervous! I've been there his entire life ever since I got him last month. I found him prowling the streets, eating garbage. I loved him ever since. But the thing of it is, is that he's so old. I think he's 70 years old in cat years or something. I don't care! He's still my little baby!

We've been through SOOO much! There's nothing we don't tell each other! I miss my baby!

**I WILL NOT GIVE UP! NOTHING WILL STAND IN MY WAY OF SEARCHING! NOTHING!**

_All of a sudden really dramatic music starts but the sound of an oven timer going off interrupts the music_

Oh! My muffins are done! I'll get back to searching AFTER my muffins.

* * *

**End; Xemnas is quite contradicting isn't he? Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	12. Xemnas' Secrets Revealed

**Disclaimer; Me? Own Kingdom hearts? Puh-leaze anyway on with the story….**

"Da da da…la da la da…."

"Demyx quiet down! We can't let anyone know what we're doing…"

Demyx and Xigbar were now quietly sneaking down the bleach colored hallways to Xemnas' office to see if anything was up. But unfortunately Demyx had to sing 'la la's' and 'da da's' to a tune in a secret agent movie he watched last night.

"Right, sorry."

Demyx cautiously peered behind him and in front several times and then started to whistle casually.

"Demyx." Xigbar protested quietly through gritted teeth.

"Hm?"

"Do you want to make it noticeable?" The Free Shooter asked with much annoyance.

"But Xiggy, don't you think it's cooler to have some epic background music while we sneak around?"

"Shh! don't say that out loud!"

Just then the sound of the clicking of boots echoed in the distance and then came Luxord walking towards them as he turned a corner in the hallway.

"Oops…" Demyx laughed nervously, "Ha ha, yeah, sneak around pfft why would we be doing that? Were only just walking around the castle out of boredom nothing major like sneaking… Who would think that?"

Demyx trying to cover up things he shouldn't say is a very bad thing.

"So my fellow comrades are in fact snooping around I see?" Luxord asked as he got closer.

Xigbar face palmed himself with a sigh of annoyance.

"Do tell me the details." The Gambler of Fate pried with his devious grin.

"We're not snooping…" The Melodious Nocturne insisted quietly.

"Demyx my friend, it is only obvious." He then fanned out a deck of card in his hand.

"Aren't you like, supposed to be doing your missions?" Xigbar asked, hoping Luxord wouldn't pry anymore.

"In fact I-"

"Look! A distractasouras!" Demyx yelled suddenly as he pointed down the hall behind them.

"Huh?" Luxord turned to look behind him and when he had turned back around to tell them nothing was there Xigbar and Demyx were gone.

"That was genius man!" Xigbar exclaimed patting the younger nobody's back as they stopped to take breaths after running off.

"Thanks… Hey! His office is right there!"

"Right you are…"

The two approached the rather tall white door and pressed their ears against it.

"I don't hear anything…" Demyx stated.

Xigbar lifted his fist in the air and knocked on the Superior's door. The two quickly walked away in opposite directions down the hall so if Xemnas did answer they wouldn't get caught. They both peered over their shoulders to see if Xemnas answered it.

He didn't.

With a grin Xigbar turned around to open the door. He turned the cold white knob and the door opened.

"He doesn't lock it?" Demyx questioned more loudly than he should've and stepped in after Xigbar.

The Free shooter scanned the room and quietly shut the door behind him. To the right was a white office desk and black leather chair placed in front of a window with Kingdom Hearts brightly shining through. To the left was book shelves that matched the desk filled with many books that were lazily put away and placed in front of those shelves was a pink big circular cushioned cat bed covered with cat hair.

"Ah… So he DOES have a cat…" Xigbar stated with a grin as he walked over to the bed on the floor.

"Hey Xiggy, look at this!" Demyx exclaimed as he held up a bubble gum pink colored book that he just pulled out of the desk drawer.

"What is it?" The Free Shooter asked as he strolled over to the mullet haired nobody.

"It says super ultra mega deluxe manly journal. But it looks more like a girl's diary." The Melodious Nocturne replied.

"Give me that." Xigbar snatched the 'manly journal' from Demyx's grasp and read the title himself, "So, he not only has a cat… He's got a diary…."

"**THAT WOULD BE MANLY JOURNAL!**" Yelled a furious Xemnas who just slammed opened his door that slammed against the wall.

Xigbar gasped and Demyx simply replied,

"No, I think you mean super ultra mega deluxe manly journal sir."

The Superior's facial expression changed to a calmer one suddenly, "Thank You Demyx."

"No problem Superior!"

"…"

"…"

There was an awkward silence.

"Well I better be going!" Xigbar suddenly exclaimed as he began to take off toward the door.

"Of course." Replied Xemnas as he stepped aside so Xigbar could exit totally forgetting what just happened.

"Me too! See you Xemmy!" Demyx followed Xigbar and closed the door.

"Ahh…Today is a great day….Now wasn't I suppose to be doing something?" He asked himself as he sat down in his comfy office chair that doesn't squeak when sat in. "Oh, now why is my super ultra mega deluxe manly journal out?" He picked up the bubblegum pink diary and put it back in his drawer.

"Xemnas sure is forgetful…" Demyx mumbled as he was sitting on his bed cuddling with Gerald or Mr. Whiskers or Wolfe which ever you prefer.

Gerald just replied with a purr.

"You are Xemmy's kitty, aren't you?" He asked the feline.

_I would reply but this idiot gives me belly rubs…At least Xemnas never gave me any…._

"You probably don't miss him anyway- Oh it's your dinner time!" Demyx bent over and set Gerald on the floor and got up to fetch his food that was placed in his small desk drawer in the corner of his room.

"Hmmmm." Demyx pondered to himself, "I think this will do it for ya!" He pulled out a container of left over's from last night which he hid in there so nobody else would snatch them. He opened the lid,

"It's your lucky day! It's left over spaghetti!" He placed the dish on the floor.

_This idiot doesn't even know what to feed me…._

Gerald walked over to the container and sniffed it, being displeased he hissed and made a bee line for his door.

_I miss my chunky beef in gravy! This idiot doesn't know what animals even eat!_

The fat cat started howling at his door.

"You wanna go out? Ok!" Demyx happily turned the knob and opened it. Gerald quickly made a run for it.

"Hmm…He's strange I guess he doesn't like spaghetti…Oh well more for me!"

"Now I just need to find out what's in that diary of his…It could be good blackmail!"Xigbar wondered as he was busy polishing his arrow guns.

He threw the cloth he was using on the floor and began stroking the weapon with his finger.

"MY PRECIOUS…."

His eyes began to grow and his mouth hung open.

**End; Will Xemnas find his cat? Will Xigbar ever find out what's in Xemnas diary or should I say MANLY journal? Does Xemnas have memory loss?**


	13. Memory Loss

**__Disclaimer; I own nothing peeps  
**

**_(Since Xemnas is going to write SUPER bad because of his memory loss I'll just type out what he's actually saying because you'll be SUPER confused except for the beginning though!)_**

* * *

_Dear MANLEE SOOPR MEGAH journal UTRAH DEELUX,_

I've been feeling…Strange lately….If that's even possible. I can't seem to focus anymore. When I began to write this I started using the eraser of my pencil, I don't know what's going on.

Oh and today I found a strange dog at my office door…Or was it a cat? Anyway whatever it was, it was very fat and it was mooing at me…Or was it meowing?

My butt really hurts…I mean my elbow I mean my finger nail, no it's my nose hair! UGH! I can't remember what it's called! It's the top part of your body where your brain is I think, or is it where your foot is?

Journal MANLY if only you could help me… Oh and today Zexion and Michael Jackson were in my office snooping around. I think they found my journal MANLY… Wait did I say Zexion and Michael Jackson? I meant Ursula and Captain Hook…No! Opera and Dr. Phil! UGH my memory is so bad! I can't even remember who went in my office!

Well journal MANLY I think I need a speaker -no a trampoline- no it's called a…Nap! Yeah a nap I really need one now.

SpongeBob told me to go to the Krusty Krab today… No it was the hospital… Yes SpongeBob told me to go to the hospital. Wait SpongeBob? No it was Mufasa… Wait hold on it's…AH! Saix! Yes! Saix told me to go to the hospital! But what is a hospital? Is that the place to lose weight? No that's a restaurant. No the bathroom… UGH I CAN'T REMEMBER!

Maybe I should listen to him, or her, or it I can't even remember who Saix is…What is a Saix? What does it do? I shall find out…

Happy Valentine's Day journal MANLY!

Or is it Easter?

No… It's GOOD BYE!

* * *

**Poor Xemnas...Thank you for reading and reviewing! Cookies! (::) (::) (::) **


	14. Diary Snatching

**Disclaimer; I OWN NOTHIN!**

**Thank you so much Dlbn, Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses, KenrexKeybladeMaster and Peppermint-n-Spice for the recent reviews!  
**

* * *

In a certain nobody's lab…

"MWAHAHAH MWHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Vexen I-"

"Shh! You're interrupting my evil laughter!"

"I apologize, go on."

"Thank you Lexeaus… MWHAHAHAHAH MWHAHAHAHA!"

10 Minutes passed….

"MWHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Vexen, the Chilly Academic and Lexeaus, the Silent Hero were discussing about a previous experiment Vexen had accomplished successfully. Since Vexen is very vain about his flawless experiments he thought it was necessary for 20 minutes of maniacal laughter.

Lexeaus sighed and crossed his arms while Vexen continued his evil laughter with his hands in the air.

"MWHAHAHA MWHAHAHA!"

Lexeaus impatiently drummed his fingers on his arm with yet another sigh. Was this even necessary?

"MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Then an electrical beep went off reiteratively.

The Chilly Academic finally stopped laughing and rolled up his cloak sleeve to reveal a watch and pressed a button on it to make the alarm stop.

"Now what were you saying earlier?" The creepy blonde asked.

"I don't think testing that potion on the Superior was such a good idea." The Silent Hero spoke softly and monotone.

"How dare you say that?! It's my most astonishing idea ever! Soon, I will be Superior!"Vexen replied rather loudly. He hated it so much when others looked down on his ideas.

* * *

_**MEEEOOOW**_

"Ugh it's that kangaroo again…" Xemnas mumbled as he swung his feet over the side of his bed. He didn't like getting out of bed in the morning, but there was things he needed to get done. He was dressed in his sleep attire, pink silk pajamas with a button up shirt that had a pocket on the right side. Also his favorite pink silk hat with a pom pom at the top. He slowly got up and walked to his door. With some mumbles about the circus and other pointless things he opened his door.

"Not you again! I told you to scram the other day! Get lost camera!" Xemnas smacked his forehead, "I mean you dolphin!"

The fat feline just walked in with tail held high.

"I told you to go grocery shopping! I mean stay! No go! I told you to go!" The Superior shouted as he pointed towards the door. The cat just jumped on his large bad (with much trouble of course) and started licking its stomach.

Xemnas face palmed himself yet again and slammed the door closed.

* * *

"The Superior sure is crazy, so crazy that if I just walk in his office and steal that diary he won't even mind." Xigbar mused out loud as he was lying down on his unmade bed pretending to shoot things with his hand in the form of a gun using his thumb and index finger.

"You know what? That's exactly what I'll do."

The free shooter quickly got up and went straight out of his room and on the way to Xemnas' office.

* * *

Xemnas gave up, that cat wasn't moving and he needed to do Superior things like, watching T.V, looking professional on his computer even though he'splaying a Strawberry Shortcake game, baking muffins and business stuff like that.

"Another hard day at the office…" He mumbled to himself. He snapped his fingers and opened a dark corridor and lazily walked through it, appearing in his office that was just across the hall from his room.

"Ahhh…At least this chair is something I can look forward too." He stated as he slammed himself down in his chair making it squeak for the first time.

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

"Go away!" Xemnas exclaimed in a sing song voice. Obviously he meant come in….

The door slowly opened with a squeak and in came Xigbar.

Xemnas gasped really loudly and stood up on his desk, **"BACK AWAY HANNAH MONTANA!"** He was swinging around a rolled up news paper in the Free shooters direction.

Xigbar raised his hands up as if getting arrested and said, "Whoa, whoa, whoa calm down boss, it's just me Xigbar, remember?"

"**I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!" **Xemnas shouted infuriately as he continued waving around the news paper.

"You do? Great! Now just hand me that pink book in your top desk drawer will ya?"

"**NEVER!"** Xemnas began foaming at his mouth and his eyes grew wide.

"Uh oh…." Xigbar then made a run for the exit and slammed the door.

"Now back to business…" The Superior gently got off his desk and sat gracefully back in his chair just like nothing happened.

"Oh Kingdom Hearts why didn't I just grab the diary the first time I had it?" The Free Shooter asked himself as he ran into his room and shut the door behind him.

* * *

"I wonder why Xemmy is acting all crazy lately. I still can't believe he's got a diary…But at least I don't feel alone anymore!"

The Melodious Nocturne was sitting in his crammed closet with a dark red book set in his lap, it was obviously his diary.

"Hmm… I still wonder what's in it; I know diaries are the place for juicy secrets! Maybe I should find out! It's not like he would care or anything because he's crazy… I wonder if he has mad cow disease…"

After talking to himself he closed his diary and hid it under a box of C.D's that he hadn't listened to in years. He opened his white closet door and thought again.

"What if Xemmy will kill me? He was kinda scary yesterday… Oh well!" Demyx walked out of his room and towards the Superior's office.

* * *

"First Michael Jackson, the Opera, Dr. Phil, and now Hannah Montana!" Xemnas listed off as his elbows were propped up on his desk with his head held in his hands.

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

"Come again!" The Superior announced as he lifted up his head he obviously meant come again, but he was close!

The door opened and this time Demyx came in.

"Hey Superior, I was wondering about something…" The Melodious Nocturne started.

Xemnas gasped again, but this time he didn't stand on his desk, he was running towards number 9.

"Uhh nice to see you too Xemmy…" Demyx mumbled as Xemnas was now hugging him tightly with a stupid ear to ear grin on his face.

The Superior then got down to the floor on his knees and said,

"Oh Muffin man, it is an honor to have you in my humble home…." He then kissed Demyx's shoe.

The mullet haired nobody was dumbstruck and just stared at Xemnas with his mouth agape.

"Uhh…Right, so uh I was wondering if I could uh borrow your diary."' Demyx managed to say.

The Superior picked up his head and looked at Demyx in the eyes and said,

"Anything for you oh Muffin man."

Xemnas quickly got up and ran over to his desk and opened his top white drawer.

The Melodious Nocturne scanned the room slowly; he had never actually gotten the chance to see his office for this long before and then noticed a slice of pizza stuck to the ceiling and how dirty the carpets were.

Xemnas held out his diary in front of him and asked, "Is that all oh great one?"

"Uh thanks, yeah that's all Xemmy!" Demyx snatched the diary and turned on his heel to exit.

"Wait, oh muffin making muffin man." Xemnas spoke suddenly making Demyx stop in his footsteps.

"I do have one request…"

"What is it Xemmy?"

"I would be most grateful if you made a muffin for me."

"Uhh…Sure? But I gotta go Xemmy see ya later!" Demyx then quickly left the office and once he closed the door he ran hurriedly to his room.

"Gee the Superior's really freaking me out!"

* * *

**End; Demyx snatched Xemmy's diary! What will he find out? Is Vexen the one who made Xemnas all crazy? Tune in next time! Same muffin time, same muffin channel. **


	15. Back At the Hospital

**Disclaimer; I OWN NOTHING! Here's a little Christmas special! A big thanks to Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses for this amazing idea!**

* * *

"Wow, Xemmy sure wants domination over everything…And if he makes us wear dresses I will escape the organization!" Demyx whispered to himself in his closet. He had finished reading the entire MANLY journal and would never look at his calm and almighty superior the same way again.

He quickly closed the diary and hid it under a large cardboard box of C.D's next to his own and opened his white door.

"Let's see there's… 7, 8…9 more days until Christmas! Yippee! And Xemmy said we could celebrate it!" Demyx began twirling around in his room like a teenage girl who got asked to the dance.

"But…" The melodious Nocturne stopped dancing, "What is Christmas?" He placed a finger on his chin and tapped it.

"Maybe Zexy will know!" With a goofy grin he ran out of his room to find the Cloaked Schemer.

* * *

**IN THE HOSPITAL THAT PROBABLY IS….**

"Ugh…What happened? Where...Am I?" Xemnas began to slowly sit up in his hospital bed. He looked around the room dazed. His bed was placed against a wall in the middle of the room, to his right was a wooden chair with blue cushioning and to his left was a small portable gray table with wheels so he could eat in bed. And in front of him were many cabinets and a sink. Pictures of nature scenery hung on the cream colored walls. Why was he at the hospital?

"GASP! MY DIARY! Ugh…MANLY JOURNAL!" He loudly whispered and began frantically searching in his bed. He lifted the white bed sheets and noticed he was wearing a baby blue hospital gown. After noticing he quickly pulled the sheet back down.

"Whoever in Kingdom Hearts did this will die in the name of the Superior!"

The wooden door creaked opened and in came a nurse.

"Good Morning Xemnas!" She greeted happily with a warm smile.

He turned to his left and saw the woman dressed in a white coat, she carried a clipboard with her.

"AHH PINOCCHIO!" Xemnas screamed and pulled the sheets over his head.

"He's still not normal…This is going to be a long day…" She sighed and set down her clipboard down on a counter beside the sink.

"Fa la la la la, la la laaaAACHOOO!"

_**SMASH!**_

"Ugh…Stupid cold…"

Axel was busy decorating a tall pine tree that Xigbar had placed in the Grey Area. He was singing Christmas carols from a C.D Saix had bought as he hung up a bright red shiny bulb. But his cold had gotten in the way, and as he sneezed the bulb fell out of his hand and shattered on the floor into tiny pieces.

"Uh oh…Ah…Ah…Ah…ACHOOOO!" The sick pyromaniac had sneezed so loud, and this time streaks of fire had sprayed out of his nostrils, making a burnt black spot onto the carpet.

He wiped his nose with his sleeve and sighed, "But the jobs gotta get done…" He grabbed another ornament from a red box that was recently bought by Saix. This one was a silver glass bulb. He stretched his arm towards the top and placed the decoration near the top.

"Uh oh...Not again…"

* * *

**AT THE HOSPITAL THAT PROBABLY IS…**

After finally convincing Xemnas that she wasn't Pinocchio, the nurse was handing him his daily pills.

"Ok Xemnas, today at 2 you have an appointment with-"

"You expect me to take these?" He interrupted as he held out his hand that contained 2 fairly large pills.

"Yes, you need to take them. They will help you feel better." She replied.

"I don't need to feel better! I have everything under control! I'm the Superior!" He got out of his bed and was standing in front of the nurse, over towering her.

"I know you're the Superior, and Superior's need to take medicine too." She replied coolly.

"I CAN TAKE CARE OF MY SELF FOR KINGODM HEARTS SAKE!" He yelled so loud that her auburn hair was getting blown around as if a fan was blowing on her. She remained calm.

"If you were able to sustain yourself then why would your friend Saix call you in for an emergency saying that you were out of control and you couldn't control yourself?"

"SAIX DID THIS? HE WILL PAY!"

"Also he said you tried killing him because you thought he was Cinderella…Anyway Xemnas calm down, and take your meds I'm sure your friends back home can take care of their selves."

"Hmm…You're right…" He sat back down on his bed. "I'm sure everything's fine. You know, this is a good break away from everyone….They can take care of themselves...Everything will be just fine…"

* * *

**With Axel**

"AHH! Quick get Demyx!"

"Right on it bucko!"

"Ow! It's on my cloak! Hurry!"

Axel had just done a powerful sneeze that vibrated the entire castle, it not only made earth quakes but it created a fire to start. It even began climbing the walls and spreading along the floors and licking up the ceiling.

You see, after he had placed the silver bulb on he felt a very powerful force coming through his nose. And it was very powerful indeed. Flames came shooting out of his nose and onto the tree, creating a fire.

He was now running around in circles trying to get the flames off of his cloak. And Xigbar who had happened to be in the same room went to get Demyx.

"Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!"

Minutes later, Demyx appeared through a dark corridor.

"This is my kinda job!" He chuckled and summoned his Sitar and started spinning in circles for a dramatic effect.

"CAN WE GET ON WITH THIS?!" Screamed Axel who was still running in circles.

"Oh, right sorry…DANCE WATER DANCE!" Water began shooting out of his Sitar with every strum of his strings. The fire began to disappear within seconds and Axel's cloak was now ruined. A big chunk of fabric was torn off on his right side from the very bottom up to his hip.

The tree had been somewhat saved, it was all black and more than half of the branches had fallen off. The white walls were now black where the fire was and the carpet was darkened also. The air was filled with thick smoke.

"Nice…*cough* job *cough* water boy-" Axel managed to say with a creaky voice.

"Thanks!" Demyx's sitar had disappeared and his hands were on his hips with a goofy grin.

"For ruining my favorite cloak…"

Demyx's smile faded.

"Favorite cloak? But Axel, there all the same."

"Nu uh, not this one, this one is my original…"

"I'm sorry Axel! I can make it up to ya by-"

Axel got into a battle stance and his chakarams appeared in his hands.

Demyx gasped.

"No, nobody, not even a nobody messes with my favorite cloak!"

"Uh oh..." Demyx began to run away with his hands in the air screaming, "Run, run away!"

* * *

**Back with Xemmy**

Xemnas was lying down in his hospital bed with his hands behind his head in a relaxed position.

"Absolutely nothing can go wrong..." He then closed his eyes and a smile formed on his lips.

"Absolutely nothing…"

Then his eyes shot open and his smile quickly faded.

"But my manly journal is still missing! I must find it!" He quickly sat up in his bed.

"Is everything alright Xemnas?" The nurse asked.

"My manly journal is gone!" He uncovered himself from the sheets and hopped off the bed quickly.

"Manly journal? Is that like a-"

"DON'T YOU EVEN SAY IT SISTER!" Xemnas waved around his index finger with his other hand on his hip while yelling this.

She quickly clammed up and her eyes grew wide, did he just call her sister? And did he just do something only Marluxia would do?

"I must get it!" He darted out the door as quickly as a superior could in a hospital gown (which isn't that fast). The nurse quickly chased after him.

_Where is my master? My tummy is grumbly…._

Mr. Whiskers was prowling the bleach halls in search of Xemnas. He sniffed every nook and cranny and could only find past senses of him.

_Oh how I do want my chicken feast in gravy…_

"Not you again…" A low monotone voice had spoken and Mr. Whiskers recognized the scent. It was no other than Saix. He quickly turned around and stood up on his hind legs.

"So we meet again." The fat feline said in his British accent.

"It seems we do; now since the Superior is away he left me in charge, and since I dread cats such as you, I can dispose of you." He got into a battle stance and summoned his claymore.

"Ahh, but let's see who's the last one standing…Saix…" Mr. Whiskers summoned his pointy silver sword and swung it in circles in front of himself as to prove something.

"How do you know my name?" The Lunar Diviner asked as he took a step forward.

"That's only for me to know and for you to find out….HIYA!" The cat leaped into the air with his sword pointing down to plunge Saix right through his chest.

Saix put up his weapon in defense to block the attack.

"SAIX!"

The two whipped their heads around quickly to see…The Superior?

"Superior?" Saix asked to make sure he saw what was true.

"You bet it is! GET AWAY FROM MY CAT!" Xemnas looked like he had just found his SUPER secret recipe had been stolen and his muffins were getting sold behind his back. (Which is VERY angry)

"You're cat? But he...But he-"

"ENOUGH!" Xemnas had grabbed Mr. Whiskers who was standing innocently in front of Saix. How does that cat do it?

"He attacked me Superior! It's true!" Saix pleaded with innocent eyes.

"Let's go Mr. Whiskers…" And with that Xemnas walked away probably going to his office.

"Ugh! One day that cat will be punished!" His weapon disappeared. "Wait a second, I sent Xemnas to the hospital a couple days ago…He couldn't have been released this early, but he does seem a bit more normal…" Saix shrugged and walked down the opposite hall Xemnas was going.

"Aww isn't that right? Who's a good boy huh? Who's a good boy?" The Superior had just set his very fat cat down in his comfy office chair and was petting his cat roughly.

"Now you be a good boy and wait for daddy to return with his manly journal…"

_Mreeoow_

Xemnas left his office and was now searching in the halls carefully for his beloved, most treasured, heartfelt item…His diary.

* * *

**End; Xemmy escaped the hospital without getting caught! Well the good news is, is that he's back to normal, thanks for reading and reviewing guys! **


	16. On the Prowl

**Disclaimer; I own nada, got it memorized? **

KenrexKeybladeMaster; Just as you requested, I put Xion and Roxas in here

* * *

"Hmmm…Nope not here…"

_Sniff _

"Nope not there…"

Xemnas was bent over sniffing the white floors of the castle hallways to find his journal, he thought that acting like a dog and finding its scent, he could find it.

"Ugh! Everything smells the same! How does Zexion do it?" He stood up straight and stopped a foot on the floor angrily and crossed his arms, "Maybe If I ask my muffins they'll know…"

"Wait a second…Zexion…" An idea had sparkled in the Superior's mind, "Maybe Zexion could track it down for me… I'm so brilliant!" Xemnas began walking as fast as he could down the hall to get to the Schemers room.

After going through some hallways, flights of stairs and even more hallways with the need to stop and catch his breath every 2 minutes he found Zexion's room labeled '_VI Cloaked Schemer'._ After a few knocks many clicking noises could be heard behind the door.

Xemnas sighed impatiently and tapped his foot on the floor.

Finally the door opened and there was the person or rather nobody he was looking for.

"What is it Superior?" He asked.

"First of all why so many locks? Anyway, I want to assign a secret mission for you."

"Oh," The Schemer looked down the long hallways on the right and left after seeing nobody he said, "Come in." He stepped back inside his room and Xemnas followed. After closing the white door Zexion crossed his arms and asked, "What kind of secret mission?"

"Well it involves your smelling ability, I have lost something dear to me and it must be found it is important data we need to get our hearts and it seems to be missing." The Superior lied while crossing his arms also.

"Hmmm…" The Schemer got into his thinking pose, "Do you have any item that this important object was near recently?"

"Yes, I do. Now if you would like I will show it to you."

"Please do."

Xemnas made a dark corridor with a flick of his wrist and they both stepped in.

The Superior quickly walked over to his desk and opened the top drawer, "This is where it was."

Zexion walked over and then started to sneeze loudly.

_Mrrreoow?_

"You…Have a cat?" Zexion muttered as he covered his mouth with his arm preparing to sneeze again.

Mr. Whiskers was happily purring still in Xemnas' chair. The Superior gently stroked its head.

"Why yes I do, and that'll be our little secret."

"I'm allergic… I'm sorry Superior my nose will do you no good, it's now stuffed up from your feline."

He sneezed again.

Xemnas pulled the empty drawer out all the way and handed it to the Schemer,

"Well then take the drawer and get me when you have the scent."

"Yes Superior…"

Zexion left through a dark corridor after taking the drawer.

* * *

**With Demyx, Roxas and Xion**

"I wonder what Xemmy got me!"

"Me too, I hope Axel got what I wanted!"

Demyx and Roxas were sitting cross legged on the floor next to the burned Christmas tree shaking wrapped gifts that had their names written on the tags.

"Hey, what are you guys doing?" A raven haired girl asked as she walked over to the two.

"Oh hey Xion! Were trying to guess what we got." Replied Demyx as he shook a blue and white stripped gift with a blue bow up to his ear.

"That sounds fun." She took a seat next to Roxas and scanned the presents for a gift that had her name on the tag. She picked up a baby blue wrapped box with many snowmen on it and shook it close to her ear.

"Oh this one's for Saix!" Roxas picked up a candy cane printed box and shook it.

"What's it sound like?" Demyx asked with wide eyes.

"It sounds like a-" Roxas' eyes grew wide and his mouth was agape he swore he heard a whine of some sort.

"A what?" The two impatiently asked.

"A...It sounds like a cat…" He finished.

"A cat?!" Demyx and Xion asked in unison again.

* * *

**In Zexion's Room…**

After Zexion's nose had calmed down he picked up the drawer again and sniffed it.

He gagged, "Strange…It smells like…Blueberry muffins and raw eggs…" He quickly set the drawer down on his bed; he didn't want to smell that ever again…

"But what did he lose anyway? He didn't even bother telling me…" He got into his thinking pose again,

"Maybe I'll look for it without him…" He smirked and left his room.

* * *

**In a Pink Haired Nobody's Room…**

"I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!"

Marluxia was singing and dancing in a pink ballerina dress. He wore baby pink colored tights and a bright pink tutu. He was also wearing matching ballerina slippers. He was now spinning in circles while balancing on his right foot.

* * *

**With Xigbar and Luxord…**

"Got any sixes?"

"Nope go fish mate."

Xigbar and Luxord were playing an old game of go fish in the gamblers room.

"Do you happen to have any eights?" The gambler asked with a mischievous smirk.

"Ugh…" Xigbar reluctantly handed over his red eight.

* * *

**Back with Zexion…**

Zexion was sniffing through the hallways and was getting faint whiffs of the disgusting smell. He was approaching Demyx's door when the scent got even stronger.

"Demyx? Why would he have such an important item?" He looked to his right then left to see if anyone was watching which nobody was… He knocked on his door a few times and waited.

No answer.

He knocked again.

No answer.

With a sigh he jiggled Demyx's door knob, it wasn't locked either.

With a smirk he opened the Sitar player's door and closed it quietly behind him.

He inhaled through his nose again and gagged at the even stronger scent. It was coming from his closet.

"He seems to be hiding it…"

He opened the bleach closet door and the scent was even stronger than before. The Schemer wrinkled his nose.

"It could be anywhere in here!" Junk was piled up in the small closet, boots, cloaks, gloves, C.D's video games and even a collection of rubber ducks.

* * *

**With Xemnas…**

"What's taking him so long?" The Superior asked himself as he paced around his room.

"Maybe I should make some muffins…Yes! That's what I'll do! Maybe I should write that in my-"

Xemnas paused and his eyes started to water.

"No! My manly journal is still missing!" He got down on his knees and screamed at the ceiling.

"WHY KINGDOM HEARTS WHY!?"

* * *

**Back with the Trio…**

"Won't the cat suffocate?" Demyx asked as he held the box that had the cat inside.

"You're right! Let's get it out quick!" Xion quickly replied.

Roxas nodded in agreement and the three started to tear off the paper. Then they got to the box.

"We need something sharp…" Roxas mused out loud.

"Scissors!" Demyx reached into his pocket and pulled out a blue pair of small kid's scissors.

"You carry scissors with you?" Xion asked.

"Yeah! Who doesn't?"

Roxas and Xion looked at each other in confusion.

Demyx carefully slid the sharp end into the packaging tape and sliced it. After taking care of the tape Demyx opened the box and inside was a fluffy tan colored cat, it wore a bright blue collar.

"Aww it so cute!" Xion cooed.

Demyx lifted the collar so he could see the name, it read,

_Mrs. Fluffles. _

* * *

**With Zexion**

"A diary? This is what the important item is?" Zexion held the bubblegum pink diary in his right hand and saw the word _Diary _scribbled out with a big **X** and written below it was _**SUPER ULTRA MEGA DELUXE MANLY JOURNAL.**_

"It is the Superior's writing…I wonder what's inside…" He flipped open the cover and read the first page.

"Dominating pet stores?" He read on, "Blueberry muffins? That's why his diary smells like muffins."

He flipped a few pages, "I wonder if he said anything about me…"

* * *

**Back with the Amazing Trio**

_Mrrreeeoow?_

The cat Mrs. Fluffles was purring and happily getting cuddled with Xion.

"She SO cute!" Xion cooed as she petted the felines head.

"Who gave Saix the cat anyway?" Roxas asked.

"Good question." Demyx replied

The cat squirmed in Xions arms and managed to jump out and run off.

"Uh oh, that can't be good." Roxas mumbled. The trio got to their feet and chased after the cat.

* * *

**Back with Zexion**

"Ok it doesn't seem that important… I'll just leave it by his door so he doesn't know I even touched it." He slid the diary into his cloak pocket and left Demyx's room through a dark corridor and reappeared in front of Xemnas' office door.

"He'll never know..." He dropped the pink book by his door and left.

* * *

**With Cry Baby Xemmy**

"IF ONLY A MIRACLE WOULD HAPPEN AND MY DIARY WOULD JUST APPEAR IN FRONT OF MY DOOR AND MY NO-LIFE WOULD BE COMPLETE AGAIN!" Xemnas stopped screaming as he heard a noise outside of his door, like something dropped. He got off his knees and opened his door.

"MY…MY SUPER ULTRA DELUXE BABY!" He picked up his beloved diary and hugged it close to his chest.

He then started to stroke its binding, "It's okay Daddy's got you…"

* * *

**End; Thanks for reading and reviewing! **


	17. Reunited At Last

**Disclaimer; Again I own nothing, if you don't believe me ask Xemnas (But I don't know I that's a good idea)**

* * *

_Dear whatever I've called you before MANLY journal,_

I FINALLY HAVE YOU BACK OH PRECIOUS ONE! MY NO-LIFE IS COMPLETE AGAIN!

I'm not sure how you did it, but you came back to papa! Maybe Saix took you away from me along with Mr. Whiskers.

I WILL HAVE SAIX EXECUTED FOR TAKING ME TO THE HOSPITAL!

It was weird MANLY journal, I woke up from a nap I didn't know I was having and woke up in the scary hospital! But daddy managed to escape to find you! Those nurses and police guy things will never find me!

Well now that everything is somewhat back to normal, I can finally take my plans into action! Yes, I've said this before but today I am going to the dairy farm in Dairy World which isn't that far from the World That Never Was.

LOOK OUT COWS HERE COMES THE GREAT, POWERFUL, HANDSOME, ALMIGHTY, INTELLIGENT, AND SUPER MANLY SUPERIOR!

_Ding!_

Oh, my blueberry muffins have just finished baking in my new bubblegum pink easy bake oven to match my MANLY journal! Oh and I even picked up some bubblegum pink oven mitts too, now I have the entire manly set!

Also, ever since I got back from the scary place I've been feeling better, I remember things now! But I still can't seem to remember something very important. I can't remember the amount of blueberries to put in my muffins, is it 2 cups or 2 ¼ cups of blueberries?

If I put in 2 cups it might be too little and if I put in 2 ¼ cups it might be too much! And that just can't happen! My muffins need to be perfectly made! In both of my batches I made today I used 2 cups in one and 2 ¼ cups in the other.

I'll be right back MANLY journal, I'm going to taste my muffins.

Okay MANLY journal I can't decide! I don't know which ones taste better! This can't be! One needs to taste better than the other! I'm going to

* * *

**End; ****and that's when Xemnas started flipping out. Thanks for reading and reviewing!** Finally! That old whipper snapper Xemnas got to write in his precious diary.  



	18. The Trip To Dairy Land!

**DISCLAIMER; ME NO OWN KH OR MRS. FLUFFLES (by the way thanks Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses for letting me use her), BUT I OWN DAIRY WORLD**

* * *

"Ahhh now time to stretch my manliness…" The Superior had traveled at least a half an hour to the place he's wanted to go for some time. He closed the red gummi ship door shut and stretched with a long yawn.

He stood up straight and then cracked his knuckles then said with a mischievous grin,

"It's show time."

After looking both ways to see if anyone was around, he quickly stood with his back against the ship, and then peered around the corner.

In front of him was a long smooth path made out of milk caps that lead up a mountain to reach a large white castle at the top.

He had parked next to a tall cream colored milk fountain that had three sections, a lower wide and circular section that was like a pool to catch the milk, above that was a smaller bowl shaped section and streams of milk poured down the sides and into the larger one below. And above that was an even smaller bowl shaped section that had milk pouring out of the top gently. And placed atop was a silver statue of a cow.

Small shack like shops surrounded the fountain and many people were wandering about the streets carrying baskets and bags.

_Nobody should find me; I practically blend in with everyone._

And only Xemnas would think that a strange man with a black cloak coming out of a large gummi ship in a medieval timed land was normal. But nobody really noticed anyway.

He then smoothed back his hair and walked around the corner whistling to the MANLY tune of 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' trying to act as casual as possible.

"Oh I almost forgot." He reached into his pocket and pulled out some sport sunglasses and put them on.

"I'm practically invisible."

Who knows what Xemnas was thinking but whenever somebody walked passed him he formed his hand into a shape of a gun and winked at them. Everyone thought he was insane; they passed him off with looks of disgust until he came across an elderly woman.

"Hey granny how's it-"

**SMACK!**

The short woman had smacked Xemnas with her shopping bag that felt like she had just bought bricks.

"MOO MOO MOO MOO MOO MOOOOO!" She then walked off mumbling something in the mooing language.

He rubbed his stomach where she hit him and groaned.

_I forgot everyone speaks dairy language here..._

The superior stood up straighter with a 'hmph' and began to walk up the hill to reach the Dairy World castle.

_This time all cows shall bow before me and blow up other worlds including daffodil pixie sparkly world, those pixies will pay for the damage they caused to my pedicure! Fewf it's a good thing nobody can read my mind. _

Xemnas was climbing up the hill with much panting; he was hunched over and out of breath.

"I need to get out more often…" He mumbled in between a few pants.

_I'M THE SUPERIOR! I AM MANLY! I CANT LET A LITTLE HILL STOP ME FROM MY EVIL PLANS!_

He picked up his head and looked up towards the castle that seemed like it was miles away; he straightened his posture and put his hands on his hips,

"Challenge accepted." He nodded his head and began walking while swinging his arms in short rotations with a determined look. Some people who were passing by were afraid.

* * *

**MEANWHILE, AT THE CASTLE…**

"No please Saix! Don't hurt him!"

"HER."

"I have authority over you Demyx, I can do whatever I please."

Demyx and Roxas had been chasing the cat Mrs. Fluffles all around the castle, Xion had given up. Soon the cat found its way to Saix and everyone knows that the Lunar Diviner HATES cats. When the feline was about to run past the blue haired man, he had grabbed its tail and was now hanging her upside down.

"Just don't hurt her!" Demyx was on his knees begging while tears streamed down his face.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't." Said Saix as he continued to hold the helpless kitty by her tail.

"**STOP RIGHT THERE!"**

Everyone froze at the unfamiliar voice that had just spoken in a British accent and it sounded nothing like Luxord.

Saix's eyes widened as he saw who the voice belonged to.

Demyx and Roxas slowly turned around to see the one and only Mr. Whiskers.

"Gerald?" Demyx asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"Whoa, a talking fat cat my dream came true!" Roxas exclaimed suddenly as he began to have a wide smile spread on his face.

Everyone just stared at him silently.

Mr. Whiskers cleared his throat to interrupt the awkward silence that had fallen upon them.

"Anyway as I was saying… PUT HER DOWN NOW, OR I SHALL REND YOUR HEAD FROM YOUR BODY!" The fat cat was now standing on his hind legs while a sword appeared in his right paw with a sudden white flash.

Saix immediately dropped Mrs. Fluffles onto the hard bleach floor and took off running.

Roxas and Demyx stared, dumbstruck.

Mr. Whiskers quickly ran over to the poor Mrs. Fluffles while his huge stomach bouncing along with every step.

"_Meow?" _Mr. Whiskers asked the feline on the floor.

"Meow meow meow meow meow." She replied as she began to stand up on all fours.

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow."

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow."

"Meow meow meow."

"I wonder what their saying…" Demyx asked as he continued staring without even blinking once.

"Beats me." Roxas replied as his mouth hung slightly open.

* * *

**BACK AT DAIRY WORLD**

Xemnas was now laying on the ground in the fetal position sucking his thumb.

"I can't do it, I can't do it, I can't do it…" He mumbled to himself.

Yes, Xemnas had failed at climbing the hill. I bet you're wondering why he just can't teleport.

"I bet people are wondering why I just can't teleport." The Superior suddenly blurted out loudly.

A short man with a goat on a rope leash walked passed him.

**BAAAAA!**

The Superior quickly lifted his head to see the animal staring at him.

"How dare you say that!" Xemnas yelled as he got close to the goats face.

**BAAAA!**

"Well yeah? Well you're momma so fat that when she-"

**BAAA!**

The goat quickly turned around with its rear in Xemnas' face. It lifted both its back legs and kicked Xemnas in the face, sending him flying to the great beyond.

**BAHAHA BAHAA!**

The goat was now laughing while lying in its back, holding his stomach.

"I'll get you, you meddling kids!" Xemnas yelled as he was flying through the air while shaking his fist like an old grandma.

* * *

**END; Will Xemnas get to the cows? Or will he end up somewhere else? WHO WAS THAT MASKED GOAT? Or what will happen between Mr. Whiskers and Mrs. Fluffles? Tune in next time, same muffin time, same muffin channel. **

_Thank you Tailiax for those awesome reviews and thanks for the spell check XD _

_Thank you KenrexKeybladeMaster for the awesome reviews on the gorgeous crazy Xemmy :3 _

_Thank you Dlbn for the awesome reviews as well and the encouraging words :D _

_Thank you Justice333 for those awesome reviews you leave about the crazy muffin addicted Xemnas :)_**  
**

_Thank you Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses again for letting me use your cat and giving me some awesome ideas and leaving those awesome reviews as well.  
_

_AND COOKIES AND MUFFINS FOR ALL!  
_


	19. It's All Coming Together

**Disclaimer; I own nothing, ask Xemmy. BTW tell me what you think of the new cover!**

"Ugh…My manly head…" Xemnas had just landed in a tree after being shot through the air by being kicked in the face by that goat. That goat shall pay to the full extent of the pink muffin law book that Xemnas keeps in his desk drawer.

The superior rubbed his head; he was lying down on his stomach, hugging the thick high branch on one of the milk carton trees he had crashed into.

"W-what happened?" His head was spinning and blueberry muffins in pink wrappers were flying around in circles above his head, not to mention tiny pink butterflies.

He blinked a few times in realization and the muffins and butterflies disappeared.

"THAT GOAT SHALL PAY!" He shook his fist again like a mean old granny, doing so he had lost his balance and swayed to the right and down he went.

"NOOOOO!" The Superior screamed as he tried grasping for the branch he had been lying on. Just then time had just stopped, literally it just froze and Xemnas stopped falling.

"Psst Xemnas." Whispered a high pitched voice.

"AHHHHHHH!" Xemnas was still screaming.

"Xemnas." Said the squeaky voice again.

"AHHHHH!"

"XEMNAS!"

Xemnas began looking around nervously after hearing his name being called, suddenly he flashbacked to the time he had stolen a bouncy ball from the local convenient store at the World that never Was.

"No Officer I swear it wasn't-"

"Stop it with all the hollering!" The voice interrupted.

"Huh?" Xemnas looked to his right and saw a fuzzy brown squirrel with wide blue eyes.

"Oh fewf you're not the police…What a relief."

"Why would I be? Anyway, Xemnas listen to me I'm going to teleport you to the central area next to the milk fountain and you'll forget everything I just said." Chipped the squirrel.

"Huh what?"

In a flash of sparkles which Xemnas loves, he poofed out of the air and was now standing next to his parked gummi ship.

He looked around confused.

"Wasn't I just here not that long ago? What was I doing again? Oh yes, TIME TO DOMINATE MILK!"

He began to chuckle evilly and ran towards the path made out of milk caps that lead up the hill.

"NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!" He ran passed many people and suddenly his ears tuned in to a familiar word, a word he liked very much...

Muffins.

"MUFFINS! GET YOUR FRESH HOME BAKED MUFFINS!" A man yelled.

Xemnas froze in his tracks and looked to his left. _MUFFINS!_

He walked over to a man dressed in a cow costume who was standing next to a platter of blueberry muffins.

_Wait, I thought everyone here spoke dairy language? Oh well who cares, there's muffins and that's all that matters._

He took out a few munny and handed it to the guy and took a blueberry muffin and unwrapped the baby blue paper and began to dive in.

"You must love muffins sir." The man stated.

"Oh yes!" Xemnas replied with his mouth full.

"I'll let you have all these muffins with a discounted price of 800 munny."

_800 munny?! Is he crazy?_

"I'll take them all." Xemnas pulled out a small brown sack of munny that held over 1,500 munny inside and handed it to the man.

_Those muffins are at least worth 1,200 munny._

He walked away munching on the entire platter while the man drooled over the small sack.

**AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…**

"Hmm…I can't seem to find Mrs. Fluffles or Mr. Whiskers anywhere… Have you seen them Roxy?" Demyx asked as the two were mindlessly wandering about the bleach hallways.

The two had left Mr. Whiskers and Mrs. Fluffles behind because they couldn't understand their meowing language. But that was hours ago, now they had been searching around for the two.

"Nope not at all, hey when do you think we should tell Saix that, that cats his Christmas present?" Roxas replied.

"Never! Do you know what he'd do to her? He'd probably cook her up or something, NEVER EVER tell him that's his cat. EVER."

"Alright then…"

**BACK AT DAIRY WORLD**

"Whoa these muffins are great! They make me feel energized! Maybe I should eat muffins while I do everything!"

Xemnas was nearing the castle and had finished his last muffin on the platter. After devouring the muffin he threw the silver tray behind him carelessly, and that tray had hit a goat head on the forehead.

It growled just like a vicious angry cat.

Xemnas began whistling the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and little did he know that the same goat that kicked him before was running up behind him.

**BAAAA!**

That little grey goat had head butted him very hard and Xemnas went flying yet again in the sky yelling the same thing as last time,

"I'LL GET YOU MEDDLING KIDS!"

As he was flying through the air the Superior quickly got bored and decided to pull out a cook book labeled, 'Muffins and More.' He started to get comfortable and lay down in the air while flipping through some muffin recipes.

"Oh that one's nice, banana chocolate chip! Better book mark it." He pulled out an old receipt from his cloak pocket and stuck it in the page with the recipe and closed the book, placing it back in his cloak.

After defying gravity and the laws of physics Xemnas finally crashed into an empty smelly horse stable.

"At least this isn't as bad as crashing into a moving bus on the highway…"

He rubbed his head and looked around. The stable door was opened and he walked through it. He somehow managed to fly into a barn. There were stables that held horses everywhere with many breeds.

"Darn it! Why couldn't I have flown into a cow barn?"

He brushed off his dusty cloak and walked out of the barn.

"Hmm now to find the cows…"

He started to walk around what seemed to be like a farm area. Tons of barns and pens were just about everywhere, plus tractors and tons of hay. He looked up to see high white creamy walls over towering the area then he realized…

_I'M INSIDE THE CASTLE!_

**END; Thanks for reading! Where are those two kitties? What will Xemnas find in the castle? Cows, milk cream cheese? And why was that guy not speaking dairy language? Find out next time! Same muffin time, same muffin channel.**


	20. It's Mootastic! Despite Being Bald

**Disclaimer; Me? Yeah it's sad but I own nothing. Plus today is my birthday and I'm in a Xemmy mood so here's an update for you!**

* * *

"Cows, cows, cows…" Xemnas thought in his mind as he was still in search for those cows to dominate. He hid behind barns and chicken coops so he wouldn't get caught by the many farmers that were around.

He was now tip toeing (what a sight!) behind a pig barn where there was very sticky mud. At each step he took, he had to pull out his foot from the brown gunk.

"Ugh its ruining my brand new boots I got from Macy's! And they were half off too!" The MANLY superior mumbled to himself through gritted teeth. He finally managed to walk through the mud he peered around the corner of the cream white barn.

Nobody was in sight.

With a mischievous grin and a small chuckle the superior made a beeline straight towards another cream white barn that was a few feet away.

He inhaled threw his nose.

"Oh I can just smell that milk! This must be where the cows are!"

He peered around the corner and to his luck nobody was there. The Superior quickly tip toed to the entrance and found that the large barn door was left open slightly. With a chuckle he slipped inside and found stables of cows lined up on each side.

Xemnas was in heaven; he got down on his knees and threw his hands in the air.

"THANK YOU KINGDOM HEARTS!" He shouted with a tear sliding down his cheek.

After that outburst he looked around and quickly stood up clearing his throat.

"Uhm yeah…" He looked at all the cows in the eyes, embarrassed.

"Can we pretend that never happened?" He asked hopefully.

One cow actually mooed as it was chewing on some hay.

Xemnas sighed in relief and walked towards the cow that had just mooed. He patted its snout and the cow replied by chewing on his hair.

"Oh that tickles! I-" The cow suddenly tugged at his long silver hair and pulled out a big chunk from his head and was eating it. Now Xemnas had a big bald spot on the left side of his head. "Hey! That's my beautiful hair! I just went to the beauty parlor! How dare you mess with my precious locks! May kingdom hearts have your heart." He threatened in a serious tone as his eyes stared daggers into the cows.

_Moooooooo!_

"Don't you back talk me!" The Superior said while waving his finger in front of the animals face while placing his other hand on his hip.

_Moooo!_

"Ok time to get serious…You! Cow! I command you to obey me and follow me as my servant!"

The cow continued chewing on his hair.

Xemnas face palmed himself and mumbled, "This is not going to be easy…"

"Maybe if I create a dark corridor I can get this beast into my office and train it….Yes! YES IT WILL WORK!" The superior thought to himself as he began to grow excited. Or was it excitement?

He stepped back and with a flick of his wrist he summoned a dark corridor.

"You're coming with me." He demanded in a low monotone voice. He opened the stable door and motioned the cow to go into the portal. The only thing was, is that the cow didn't move.

"Go!" Xemnas exclaimed while pointing to the dark corridor.

_Mooooooooo!_

Xemnas sighed with anger and went into the stable and began pushing the cow from behind.

"I said move it!"

_Mooooo!_

"Ugh!" The Superior pinched the bridge of his nose and waved his hand around, "I didn't think cows would smell this bad!"

He pushed the cow more and finally it took a few steps.

He gave it a light spank and it walked right into the portal, Xemnas wiped the sweat of his forehead.

"I think I'll just take one, I don't want the whole castle to stink!"

And with that the Superior walked into the portal and closed it.

* * *

**End; Xemmy is bald AND he's got a cow! Oh what next? What will the other members think of this? Tune in next time, same muffin time. Same muffin channel!**


	21. Naming a Cow

**_I'm back with another short chapter!_**

* * *

_Dear SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY journal,_

I have a cow! Ok all those exclamation marks weren't that necessary, but still I HAVE A COW! I shall write this tons of times in bold MANLY lettering.

**I HAVE A COW! I HAVE A COW! I HAVE A COW! I HAVE A COW!**

OK I'm done with my bold lettering stage; I now just need a name for my cow. Maybe Betsy? No, no, no, I'm a MANLY superior and she needs a MANLY name! Hmmm how about Georgette? It has the MANLY name George in there.

Well while I'm thinking, my MANLY cow needs a place to sleep too, oh no. I don't have a stable and cows make big stinks if you know what I mean MANLY journal. I'm GONNA DIE OF THE PUTRID SMELL! OH KINGDOM HEARTS HELP ME! HELP ME! SHOW ME YOUR LIGHT AND SAVE ME FROM THIS!

I need to slap myself. There I just did I need to man up, I'm the Superior I can handle stinky stuff; I mean come on the mess shouldn't be THAT big it's just a cow.

I wonder if she likes muffins… That's it! I'll make her some muffins and the power of friendship will bond us together and soon she'll be under my command! MWHAHAHAH!

…..

Guess what she just did? She interrupted my evil laughter in my MANLY journal and farted, she FARTED in my face! It blew my hair around like those girls' hair in shampoo commercials. I NEED A BATH!

* * *

**End, another chapter will be up today also. What's a good name for Xemnas' cow? Suggest a name in a review!  
**


	22. Disco Cow and Buzzing Vexen

**Yay chapter 22! You've read the disclaimer many of times so you know the drill.**

* * *

"Alright cow, it's bonding time with daddy!"

_Moooooo_

Xemnas was super excited to have finally got a cow; it's been his dream to have one. The cow was standing at his desk munching on some papers that cluttered the surface.

"NO! NO DON'T EAT THOSE! It's not snack time!" Xemnas yelled as he grabbed what was left of the important papers from his desk while the cow munched what was left in her mouth.

"You don't touch daddy's papers or anything that smells like muffins!" Xemnas shuffled the papers in his hands and placed them in a drawer on his desk.

_Mooo!_

Xemnas face palmed himself, "You don't understand a thing I'm saying…"

_Moooo_

"Right, now's time to bond with daddy! So Mrs. Cow have-"

Xemnas was cut off by the beginning intro to "That's What Friends Are For" by Stevie Wonder.

"Where's this music coming from?" Xemnas inquired out loud, glancing around the room to locate where the music would be coming from.

There were no speakers on the walls, the ceiling, the window…Wait Xemnas recognized that blonde head of hair and those big creepy emerald eyes peeking through the window.

The cow turned its attention to the intruder in the window and mooed very loudly in fear and began to kick her back legs like a horse.

Vexen tapped on the glass and yelled, "Just thought I might help set the mood, you know for your big heart to heart chat!"

Receiving death glares from Xemnas, Vexen looked around embarrassingly and the music stopped playing after the sound of a click. He then mumbled something to himself that sounded like, "Act natural."

The creepy blonde haired scientist placed both hands on the sides of his stomach and swung them back in forth like the motion to the chicken dance. He lifted his legs and bent his knees and brought them close to his chest and was still flapping his arms like a chicken. Vexen was hovering.

The creepy big eyed scientist who made little kids have nightmare was flying. What is wrong here?

Both Xemnas and his cows' mouths dropped to the floor at the sight they were seeing.

"I'm a buzzing bee, buzz, buzz, buzz…" Vexen said almost zombie like as he flew off.

The superior was still dumb struck along with the cow.

Well that was awkward.

"Back to bonding with daddy!" Xemnas squealed as he snapped out of his phase.

_Mooooo_

"Oh, you agree too? Well tell me Mrs. Cow, what do you like to do?" Xemnas asked as he patted the cows back.

_Moo moo moo moooo_

The cow back away from Xemnas and then stood on her hind legs. What is going on today? Maybe Xemnas was hallucinating and needed to go back to the hospital.

The cow then stood in a sharp disco dance position and smiled wide, sending a sparkle off her teeth.

Xemnas was dumbstruck yet again.

"So you like to dance?" Xemnas inquired while scratching his head.

_Mooo moo moo_

Then the cow turned to her right and flipped the on switch from a pink radio that was placed on Xemnas' desk. Wait, when did THAT get there?

Just then the lights turned off and a disco ball came out of the ceiling and spun around sending many lights of different colors around the room.

Just then music came booming from the radio and a female was singing. Mrs. Cow did many dance steps that followed the beat of the music.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in…" The girl sang from the radio, the song was "I Knew You Were Trouble" by Taylor Swift one of Xemnas' secret favorite artists and idol.

The cow was now shaking her hips and waving around her arms and waving her hands in front of her face as well.

Xemnas began to grin widely and stand beside the cow and follow the same motions as her.

They disco danced, they did hip hop and many other dance moves. How a cow knew how to dance like this was beyond Xemnas.

He didn't care if Vexen randomly appeared in the window that was hundreds of feet above the ground or how he flew off to the great unknown, or how that pink radio got there. He just cared that he would dominate milk and blow up other worlds.

And sadly, this was step one. Who knows what step two is, some maybe even afraid to find out.

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**End of chapter 22! Thanks guy for all the reviews, I don't own both the songs mentioned in here, thanks for reading! And don't forget to send in suggestions for the cows name! Oh by the way I got the crazy Vexen part from Shrek the Third which I don't own...  
**


	23. Scheming Saix and Fishy Kitties

_**Another chappie! I don't own kingdom hearts!**_

* * *

"Oh I know what I should do, oh cat stew sounds wonderful about now...Oh yes indeed…" A long blue haired man was standing in the kitchen area of the giant castle rubbing his hands together maliciously with drool pouring out of his mouth.

A giant pot was on the stove and had been filled with water.

"But how do I capture them?" The man tapped a finger on his chin. "Ahh, I'll lure them with some chicken, and then when they come to eat it up all snatch them! Yes, it's perfect!" After explaining his plans out loud for everyone to hear like the villains do in cartoons, Saix was laughing evilly like an idiot.

"Muhahah, Muhahah, MUHAHAHA!"

"Um Saix?" A voice interrupted his laughter, the man turned around to see Xigbar peeking in through the door way, "Um, this is going to seem kinda awkward but um, there's a book that just got delivered and it's addressed to you, its 'How To Laugh Like A Stuck Up Evil Villain In Style While Attracting The Ladies.'" Xigbar finished as he rubbed the back of his neck.

Saix's face turned beat red as Xigbar held the magazine in front of him.

The man with the eye patch quickly looked behind him then back at Saix and whispered, "Oh and um, if you're gonna laugh like that I suggest you pitch your voice a little lower, you sounded like a woman."

And with that, Xigbar tossed the magazine at Saix's face and left the room.

* * *

"Meow meow, meow meow meow meow meow meow?"

"Meow?"

"Meow meow meow."

"MEOW!?"

The two cats, Mrs. Fluffles and Mr. Whiskers were sitting on the window sill in the Living Room That Never Was. Nobody knew what they were discussing, but Mr. Whiskers had a shocked expression on his face after Mrs. Fluffles meowed about something, he looked as if he could have a heart attack.

If only someone could speak cat…

"Hey look! It's Gerald and Mrs. Fluffles!" Shouted an excited young man's voice, it was no other than Demyx.

The cats didn't bother to even look behind them; they just continued to stare deep into each other's eyes.

"Kitties!" Demyx squealed as he grabbed both felines from behind and held them in his arms like a child with a teddy bear.

Mrs. Fluffles didn't seem happy; she started to growl and hiss.

"Whoa, somebody's not a happy camper. But I'm glad I found you before Saix did." Stated the Melodious Nocturne as he bent over to put her down. As he did Mrs. Fluffles still was a bit angry, she turned around and sunk her teeth into Demyx's hand and scurried off.

"Ouchies! What was that for?" Demyx exclaimed as he rubbed the spot where she bit him with his hand. Now Mr. Whiskers started to squirm and he let him down.

"What is up with those two cats? Man, I wish I could understand them..."

* * *

"La da dee, la da doo la dee dum… Ahh, that hits the spot, oh a bit- DAFFODAIL! Lower…Ahh that's it oh yeah…"

The pink haired man Marluxia was in his plant filled room scratching his back with the pointy heel of a glass slipper, much similar to Cinderella's which nobody knew he had.

"This calls for some music, for this- PETUNIA! Heavenly scratching…"

Lately, Marluxia had been making random outbursts of different flower types for a reason nobody knew. The pink haired man hit the power switch to a lavender colored radio on his nightstand and a symphony Orchestra was playing.

"Ahhh Orchestral Suite No.3 in D Major…" He continued scratching with a sigh. The composer of this piece was Bach Johann Sebastian. He knew every composed piece by name.

The song was slow and Marluxia sighed and closed his eyes and scratched his stomach with the shoe, and then his sides. It couldn't get any better than this.

* * *

"Here kitty kitty kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty kitty!" Saix called out in a random British accent as he held a piece of chicken that he got from the fridge.

He didn't hear the patter of kitty feet coming or the meows from the two either.

He continued to wave the piece of meat in the air and called in the British accent again, "Here kitty kitty, here kitty kitty!"

Again, this was failing. But he still continued.

Why wouldn't cats come running for a free piece of meat? Something was up.

* * *

After hours of more disco dancing, Xemnas was getting tired, "Don't you think we should stop?" He asked as he was panting from all the exercise he was getting.

_"_Mooo!_"_

"No? Well if you say so…"

Xemnas didn't even bother to do disco, he did he own moves. He swung his arms around in the air and took a few steps back and forth but that was it.

"This is just another small step to dominating milk...I can do this…I am the superior…" Xemnas thought to himself.

He stopped dancing and placed his hands on his hips, "You know Mrs. Cow since we have been doing what YOU want for a while, how about we do what I want for a while." He suggested. But the cow just ignored him and spun around.

"Maybe we could uh-"

"Mooo!"

"Uh ok then we won't do that…"

"Moooo!"

"Alright alright I'll continue dancing, sheesh!"

Xemnas continued to obey the cow and danced. He hoped this would end soon.

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**Thanks for reading and reviewing you awesome people you…**


	24. Relieving the Stress

**_IMPORTANT!_**_Since I am two reviews away from being at 100, I would like to celebrate with a crazy side story that involves Xemnas which will be posted soon. BUT I have to make it to 100 in order to publish it! _

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_Dear super mega ultra deluxe MANLY journal with extra pickles,_

Mrs. Cow is not obeying me; all she wants to do is disco dance! Ugh it's annoying! I wish I could just get to the dominating!

Maybe if I bribe her with something, what do cows like? Do cows like Lolita clothing? Or do they like muffins? Who doesn't like those things anyway?

So anyway, I haven't seen Mr. Whiskers around lately; maybe he's off cleaning himself somewhere. Also I have heard rumors that some members have seen a tan fluffy cat in the castle. And Mr. Whiskers is not tan or fluffy, he's fat and soft.

Could there be another feline in this castle for sure? If so, I should keep Mr. Whiskers away from it, especially if it's a female.

Well anyway back to the cow problem, what do you think I should do MANLY journal? How can I make Mrs. Cow obey me? Every time I ask to do something I want she just moo's at me and gives me the death glare. Honestly, that cow scares me. It's as if she's demon possessed. Well whatever it is, the force is strong with this one.

Well, I have many questions that are stressing me out as of now; Demyx had taken note on this and gave me some tips to relieve this stress.

Tip #1; Examine the situation. He told me to figure out why I was stressed and come up with solutions.

Tips #2; Workout. Demyx suggested I exercise, now what kind of Superior has time for that? I'm always busy reviewing mission reports, eating muffins, baking muffins, and planning to dominate milk… And those are IMPORTANT business.

Tip #3; Solve a mystery. Number 9 immediately brought up the subject of the brand new package of Oreos that were bought today that were already gone. I thought that this was a fine idea.

Tip #4; Cry. Demyx thought it was necessary for me to let my so-called emotions out. There is no way a MANLY superior like me would cry. Unless someone found my SUPER ULTRA DELUX SECRET MANLY blueberry muffin recipe!

Tip #5; Play with your game boy. What in Kingdom Hearts is a game boy? This made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

Tip #6; Hydrate yourself. Demyx told me to drink lots of water; he suggested drinking an entire gallon. Who in The World That Never Was would do that?

Tip #7; Write an inspirational song. Now this is something I could do, I could write about making muffins and experimenting with different fruits and flours.

Tip #8; Solve a puzzle. This was ridiculous, solving a puzzle? Puzzles are for Lexeaus, not the GREAT AND MIGHT SUPER GORGEOUS SUPERIOR!

Well those were all his tips; I guess I'll go with the Oreo snatching thief. This could actually be enjoyable, and I would be able to get a break from Mrs. Cow. Yes, I shall start with this investigation right away!

Oh, farewell MANLY journal…

* * *

_**End; DETECTIVE XEMMY! **_

_**Oh and by the way, I got the stress relieving tips from a hilarious You Tube video called "**_Top 9 Ways to Relieve Stress " Thanks for reading!


	25. Sherlock Xemmy and the Cookie Thief

**ANOTHER CHAPPIE!  
**

* * *

Suddenly the intro to "Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor started randomly playing as Xemnas peered around a corner in the bleach hallway.

He looked behind him, to his left and then ahead.

Seeing nobody he squatted lower to the ground and ran very quickly down the hall, keeping low like an FBI agent.

"I shall find that thief who stole those cookies…" He mumbled to himself as he came closer to another corner. Again, he peered around the corner and the music started playing again.

Again, seeing nobody he opened a white door labeled 'The Kitchen of Nonexistence' and walked in.

The kitchen was pretty large; an island was in the middle with six chairs seated around it. Cabinets, a stove and a large fridge were behind it. And on that countertop was a package of Oreo cookies.

Looking around cautiously; he approached the package as if it were alive and poked it.

"The package seems to be safe." He noted with a British accent as he took out a pad of paper from his new MANLY plaid detective coat pocket.

He scribbled some words down and placed it back in his pocket.

The Superior then lifted the empty package off the surface and noticed the round chocolate cookies that sandwiched the cream of the cookie on the counter.

"Why would these be here?" He inquired aloud in a British accent again as he also made note of this in his HANDY DANDY MANLY note pad with unicorn and butterfly stickers.

"This is absurd! How could someone commit such a crime? Poor chocolate pieces, they don't feel loved!" He sniffled his nose and picked up a cookie and cradled it in his arms like a baby, "It's ok, daddy's got you, shhh it's going to be alright. Detective Xemnas will find your momma frosting."

And with that the Superior stuck the cookie into his pocket and noticed a bunch of cookie crumbs on the floor below him.

He gasped, "No…No those poor innocent souls! How could they just smoosh them like that? This is horrible!"

He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a MANLY black digital camera and snapped a picture of the evidence.

"Revenge will be served soon enough…" He stated in a deep dark evil voice through gritted teeth.

**LATER ON THAT VERY DAY…**

"Meow meow meow meow meow meow. Meow meow meow?"

"Meow."

"THERE YOU ARE." A creepy dark voice suddenly interrupted the two feline's conversation.

The two cats turned around and saw that evil twisted sick monster Saix! Oh noes!

Mr. Whiskers began hissing and raising his back high into the air.

"Puh-leaze like you think that's gonna work on me? Pfft, I'm like the most gorgeous thing around here! I can stand two stupid pathetic cats!" The Lunar Diviner stated in a girly fashion with many gestures alike swinging his hips around and placing a hand on his hip, like Marluxia but a lot worse…

Saix stood up straighter and looked around nervously, "Can we keep what I just blurted out, between you and me?" He asked hopingly.

"Sure thing mate." Mr. Whiskers replied as he stood on his hind legs.

"Thank you…"

Suddenly an awkward silence had begun and the two looked around awkwardly.

Saix cleared his throat before saying, "So anyway sorry to interrupt your conversation but… YOU WILL DIE!"

"Not today mate." The fat cat then drew his sword from thin air and pointed it at Saix, "Today YOU will perish at the point of this sword."

Saix grinned evilly and drew a SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY TEN TIMES LONGER SWORD and pointed it at the feline's chest.

"Today you will die." He said with a smirk.

"No you."

"You."

"You."

"**THIS IS SPARTA!" **A random voice screamed, it was probably Vexen doing some crazy experiment. But the voice was too deep to be him, maybe Xemnas would find out during his investigation with the Oreo cookies.

"Fine to make this easier I will slice that other feline." Saix then pointed his super long sword at the fluffy Mrs. Fluffles who shook in fear.

"No! You can't, please! I beg of you!" Mr. Whiskers dropped his sword onto he ground and started begging on his knees.

"Why not?" The Lunar Diviner inquired.

Dramatic music began to play.

"Because, she's due to have kittens soon!"

A gasp from a random crowd of people had occurred randomly, even though nobody was there.

**BACK WITH XEMNAS**

"These crumbs seem to lead to…"He looked up in his squatting position in the hallway. The Superior had followed a path of cookie crumbs and was now in front of a certain nobody's door, "Zexion's room…" He had finished as he stood up straighter.

With a "hmph!" The Superior knocked quickly on the Cloaked Schemers door.

With no reply Xemnas barged right in to see Zexion lying down on his bed with a few Oreos in his hands and a couple of empty packages on the floor. The television was on and the two stared at each other.

"This isn't what it looks like." Zexion stated with his mouth full of the chocolate cookies.

"You! How dare you leave your mess behind!" The superior shouted as he pulled out the chocolate cookie from his pocket, "How could you do something like this?"

"What? I don't know what you're talking about Superior, the chocolate is the best part."

"Don't play dumb with me!" Xemnas exclaimed as he pointed a finger at the younger nobody.

"I'm not, honestly look, do you see any of the chocolate parts anywhere? No, I ate them all."

"Then who-"

"Don't ask me, the only who I know who loves Oreo cookies as much as I do is Vexen."

"Vexen..." Xemnas repeated out loud and rubbed his chin.

"Mooo!"

"What was that?" Xemnas inquired as he looked around cautiously.

"Um…Nothing superior, you're probably hearing things…" Zexion replied with a flick of his wrist and crammed another cookie in his mouth.

"No, I heard a moo." The Superior made his way to Zexion's closet, where he thought the noise was coming from and opened the door. "WHAT IS MY COW DOING IN HERE!?"

The Cloaked Schemer swallowed hard and asked, "That's your cow?"

"YES THAT'S MY COW, WHATS SHE DOING IN HERE?!"

"Well…"

"TELL ME!"

"Well I was in the kitchen grabbing some Oreos and I heard a noise come from your office. My curious side got the best of me and turns out you had a cow in your room. And it also turns out she loves Oreos too, I had given her one and she immediately obeyed me like a dog."

Xemnas gasped. This is the missing piece of information he needed!

"Give me that cookie." Xemnas demanded as he held out his hand. The Schemer tossed an Oreo to the Superior, "Let's see if this works."

Xemnas held out the cookie in front of the cow's nose. "Sit." He commanded before giving her the treat.

Immediately the cow sat with a thump that vibrated the floor.

"YES…YES! SOON MY PLANS OF DOMINATING MILK WILL SUCCEED!" The superior yelled as he fell to his knees and raised his hands to the ceiling.

"Did you just say dominating milk?"

"No Zexion, you must be hearing things."

* * *

**_WARNING; _**_The next chapter you will read will be totally random and out of this world_ **Let's just say it has to do with bagels and muffins...**


	26. Rantings on Domination

**_OK you know how I said that the next chapter was going to be super crazy? Well I needed to make a diary entry, I try to pattern it out with, diary entry, story entry, diary entry and well you get the point. So I PROMISE the next chapter will have the bagels and muffins. Enjoy!_**

* * *

_Dear SUPER ULTRA MEGA DELUXE MANLY journal,_

I have found the key ingredient to dominate cows! Yes! It's all coming together now! I just need some Oreo's at the store, some equipment from the companies that make cannons and lasers, and finally a nut cracker. I have been wanting to eat chestnuts for a while and also experiment with them in my muffins.

Anyway, I have been sketching up some designs for cannons, guns and lasers for my domination. I think I'll schedule it on Saturday at 12; 00 in the afternoon. WAIT, I can't do that! That's when my soap opera show comes on! I'll have to make the domination at 1; 30 then.

I can't believe all I needed was Oreo's just to get the cows to obey me… Why didn't I think of that? I'M THE SUPERIOR FOR KINGDOM HEARTS SAKE!

So what do you think MANLY journal? I've decorated the canons with vanilla strawberry muffins wrapped in strawberry shortcake wrapping. Don't you think it reflects my MANLINESS? Shut up I know what you just said.

**SOON THE POWER OF MILK WILL BE MINE!**

I just found a MANLY pink highlighter in my desk and I just HAD to write that in. So anyway I shall continue with my sketching and choose which worlds to dominate, and then I will feed my cow a cookie and ALL MY DREAMS WILL COME TRUE!

Wait, I have another dream that needs to be accomplished. My domination of pet stores. But that isn't growing on me anymore I think I want to dominate malls. Either that or Movie Theaters. It's pretty hard to decide but I should just work on my milk for now.

Farewell manly journal. Ugh I forgot to capitalize the word manly. I did it again! I will make up for it now…

MANLY MANLY MANLY MANLY MANLY MANLY MANLY MANLY.

* * *

_Please vote on my poll! I just need one vote to break the tie between the two top names for Xemnas' cow! _ Oh and I don't own KH.


	27. The Epicness Part One

_**This chapter gets pretty epic and crazy. Enjoy!**_ _Thanks to Icy Metal and Frost Blue Roses for this AMAZING and MANLY idea! __**DON'T FORGET TO VOTE ON MY POLL!**_

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"This will be perfect!"

The sound of pencil to paper was the only noise that came from the Superior's office. He was currently sitting at his desk finishing the final details in his design plans for milk guns, cannons and lasers.

"This goes there, oh can't forget the muffin design on the side…and done!"

He held up the sketch in the air and stared at his achievement in victory.

"SOON, THE POWER OF MILK WILL BE MINE!" Xemnas roared with excitement as he then began laughing maniacally.

"MUHAHAH! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

_Ding!_

He then cleared his throat and set the drawing on his desk, "Well I guess my laughing session is over. Oh well, time for muffins!"

"_Meow!"_

"Oh there you are ! I've been looking for you!" The silver haired man smiled at his feline and scooped him up in his arms and stroked its head.

"_Meow, meow meow!"_

"What is it Mr. Whiskers? Is Saix stuck down a well?" Xemnas inquired as he made confused glares at his pet.

The cat raised its paw and smacked itself on its forehead, doing a face palm.

"Hey that's a cool trick there," Xemnas bent over in his chair to put the cat down, "I wish I could speak cat." He finished as he spun around in his black leather chair with a slight squeak and opened the door to his small easy bake oven that was placed atop on a sturdy wooden bookshelf that was piled with books and cluttered with papers.

The sweet scent of blueberries filled the air.

"Ah, don't you just love the smell of these babies?" He asked himself as he put on his pink oven mitts that were on his oven and grabbed the tray of treats and set them on his desk.

"I need an instant muffin cooler, if I put them in the fridge I forget about them then they become too hot and then I'd have to microwave them and they won't taste as fresh. Ugh my life is horrible…"

"_Meow meow meow meow!"_

Xemnas sighed and rubbed his temples in circular motions, "What is it Mr. Whiskers? Can't you see I'm depressing over my life?"

"_Meow meow meow meow!"_

For some reason Mr. Whiskers looked as if he was in a panic state. He couldn't sit still for two seconds and he kept yapping and pacing around.

"What?"

Just then the Superior's door burst open with a slam against the wall. After the random smoke that just happened to appear when this person came in started to fade, a silhouette appeared in the door way and dramatic music started.

"Ugh! Stupid record player!" Xemnas shouted as he moved the dial off the vinyl from the record player that was set on his desk.

The smoke totally cleared and a tall blue haired man with an expressionless face was standing there and staring right at Mr. Whiskers.

"You." Saix said while pointing a finger to the fat cat, "Are the one I'm not finished with just yet."

"What's the meaning of this Saix?" The Superior asked bitterly as he stood up from his chair.

"This doesn't involve you Xemnas, now if you would be kind enough to leave us alone then I"

"NO!" Xemnas interrupted while walking over to Saix as he summoned his ethereal blades.

"_Meow?"_

The blue haired man gave an amused laugh, "That's not going to work on me Superior."

Xemnas raised his bright crimson blade into the air and slashed at Saix, only to have it bounce off of him. The silver haired Superior stared at his weapon then back at Saix to see if anything was attached in between. But nothing was there.

With a few more chuckles, Saix then grabbed the fat cat as it was trying to run away, but being pretty over weight Mr. Whiskers wasn't moving that very fast.

"Now, if you would let me finish…" Saix started as he pulled a metal collar from his cloak pocket, "This feline will be under my command. I can do whatever I want with him, I can make him fetch me a soda, do my laundry, play dolls with me, oh and most importantly, kill him." He began to grin evilly.

"No, you wouldn't…"

"I would."

"No you wouldn't."

"Yes I would."

"No."

"Yes."

"Yes."

"No."

"Ha I just bugs bunnied you! " Xemnas stated as he began to point and laugh at Saix like a five year old girl in kindergarten.

"Darn it!" Saix pouted as he stomped his foot on the ground.

"MEOW!"

The two men then stood up straighter, Mr. Whiskers wasn't the one who just meowed.

Saix then turned around and Xemnas stared passed him, there were kittens. And tons of them.

Both of their mouths dropped as fluffy balls of black, tan, white and orange fur covered the floor while standing in front of them all was a larger fluffy tan cat.

"I WILL NOT HAVE KITTENS RUIN MY PLANS!" Saix screamed as he held out his claymore in one hand and was still holding Mr. Whiskers in the other. He began slashing towards the cats as they began to back up and were finally against the wall, hopeless.

It finally clicked into Xemnas' mind as to what was going on.

"STOP THIS INSTANT!" He bellowed as his voice shook the room.

Saix turned around with a roll of his eyes, "What is it this time?"

"I forgot to put my muffins away! I can't have cat hair flying into the deliciousness of them all!" He explained quickly as he grabbed the tray of muffins and placed them back into the oven while taking one from the slot. "OK continue." He stated with a flick of his wrist while cramming his mouth.

The blue haired man turned back to face the helpless cats and held his claymore close to their small and fluffy bodies, "Any last words?" He asked with a grin.

"Yes I do," Xemnas stated. "Cinnamon light!" He yelled while raising a hand into the air.

Saix gave a confused glare at the grinning Xemnas.

The floor suddenly shook and Saix was trying to maintain his balance. Out of the tiled floor from behind Xemnas came a tall tree like shape, but it was nothing like a tree. On its branch- like segments lanterns were hung that were lit and a strong scent of cinnamon filled the air making Saix sneeze. This was definitely no tree it was a light post.

"What's with the cinnamon?" Saix asked managing not to sneeze.

"That my comrade is the scent of cinnamon bagels, which this light post is made out of." He replied with a devilish smirk.

The light post was in fact made out of cinnamon bagels; the round doughnut shaped breads were stacked on top of one another and formed the light post.

Saix still stared at the structure that came from the floor with awe as the kittens managed to scurry away and hide behind the mighty and MANLY Xemnas.

With a shake of his head Saix snapped out of his daze and turned his attention back to the wall where the kittens were, "What the?" He inquired to himself as he scanned the area of the wall quickly. He then spun around and saw some fluffy fur sticking out near the feet of Xemnas.

"Fine, I see how it is; you obviously don't care about this fat cat of yours." The blue haired man stated with a deep chuckle.

"Oh I most certainly do." Xemnas replied with a smirk as he reached into his pocket and held a small cylinder device in his hand. With a click of a button a red laser shot out and a small red dot appeared on the wall. "Go get it Saix!" Xemnas cheered as he pointed to the wall behind the blue haired man.

"Huh?" With a confused stare Saix spun around and saw the red dot moving around on the wall.

"MUST RESIST THE URGE. Ah what the heck." The Lunar Diviner dropped the fat cat onto the ground and began batting at the dot on the wall with both his hands. He was also panting and drooling.

"MUHAHAH! MUHAHA!"

Xemnas blinked and stood up straighter and glanced around the room. Saix didn't laugh, it wasn't Vexen. The weird thing was it didn't sound like any of his members…

A silhouette of a tall and muscular man was standing in the doorway with red glowing eyes.

"Saix…" The voice stared in a deep and gruff tone.

Xemnas couldn't even recognize the voice either, the glowing red eyes sent chills up his spine and he swallowed hard.

Who is this?

* * *

_**Cliff hanger! Part two will be up next, this chapter was a bit too epic to fit into one chapter so I will update ASAP on what happens next!**_

_Don't be afraid to review some grammar mistakes, I happen to type fast when I'm excited and I would appreciate it if you spot something. :D  
_


	28. Xemnas' Overdramatic Journal Entry

_**Another chappie! Oh and thanks to the guests that have reviewed, I appreciate it.**_

* * *

_Dear SUPER ULTRA DELUXE MANLY JOURNAL,_

I'm probably not going to make it out alive in this bloody battle between Saix and I or that mysterious man so I'm going to write down my apologies and stuff of every member before I die.

_**XIGBAR:**_ You have been a strange human and nobody since I met you on day one. And I am terribly sorry that I taped you to a chair and made you watch the Dora theme song on repeat. But that's what happens when you skip your missions.

_**XALDIN:**_ You are a decent member to the Organization and honestly I never came close to you because of those sideburns you have. I mean really it could almost be a mustache. I apologize that I didn't get to know you better; I let my fears of your sideburns growing into a Llama pinata get in my way.

_**VEXEN:**_ You my friend are by far the creepiest thing I have ever seen in my life and no-life. I apologize for absolutely nothing that I did to you because you have given me countless nightmares.

_**LEXAEUS:**_ …. …. … ….. ….. ….. … ….. . … . ….. … I finally figured out your silent language and I apologize I didn't know it sooner.

_**ZEXION:**_ There is so much to say about you number six. Well for one you have helped me with research and further deepened the understanding of hearts. Honestly, I think you're brain is as big as Mount Everest or something, no wait that's how big my stomach was. I apologize for accidentally spiking your drink last Christmas. But you have to admit it was pretty funny watching you do ballet.

Saix; I HATE YOU, HOW DARE YOU START A RANDOM BATTLE WITH ME! Haha I didn't write your name in caps, and I'm ten times more evil and manly than you are, like totally.

_**AXEL:**_ Axel, Axel, Axel… You my friend are the oddest nobody I have seen, you're a crazy pyromaniac and always know just the way to lighten somebody's Day, and literally you lit my teddy bear named Day on fire last year. But anyway I apologize for bribing you with Sea Salt ice-cream so you could light my fireplace because I was overweight from Thanksgiving.

_**DEMYX:**_ You are the most annoying member of the Organization despite Marluxia, but anyway I've always distanced myself so I didn't have to hear your ramblings about us having hearts. WHICH WE DON'T, WE DON'T YOU RABID BEAST ON SUGAR! Oh and I apologize for… Calling you a rabid beast a few seconds ago.

_**LUXORD:**_ Ah the Gambler of Fate. You are on my top three most annoying members list, you know why? Because all you do is relate everything to games and poker. I mean really get a no-life. And I apologize for making you work overtime just so I didn't have to hear you rambling on about cards.

_**MARLUXIA:**_ Oh so many things to say. For one you're a woman, well at least you act like one. And don't think I don't know about your secret purse stash in your closet, oh and honestly if you're going to wear that blue shimmery dress I think you should totally wear that shiny black purse you have with the matching shoes. And I apologize for nothing. You give me nightmares from your singing.

_**LARXENE:**_ Well since I'll be dead and if you read this you won't be able to kill me so… I HATE YOU HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU. YOU'VE ALWAYS YELLED AT EVERYONE INCLUDING ME AND YOU'RE NEVER HAPPY OR SATISFIED, EVER. I MEAN REALLY IF YOU'RE GOING TO RANT ON ABOUT HOW UNHEALTHY I'M EATING THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT; YOU'RE THE ONE WHO GOES GROCERY SHOPPING AROUND HERE. I apologize for ever being nice to you.

_**ROXAS:**_ Would you marry ice-cream or something? You're obsessed with it. Oh and it can be our little secret that we both have a sea-salt ice-cream shrine in our closet. Don't worry it's a normal thing us men go through. I had an obsession with it when I was your age and almost married the treat a few years ago but that was before I set my eyes on Kingdom Hearts. Oh how beautiful she is… Anyway I deeply apologize for mistaking you as a little girl when I first saw you.

_**XION: **_I don't really know you that well but it seems as though we are on good terms and I honestly think there's something going on between you and Roxas. But ANYWAY I apologize so greatly that Vexen gave you a weird name and all those hours you had to spend with him in the lab when he was creating you. It must've been creepy being with him in that lab of his for days. But you are probably the only one who's brave enough to stand up to him; I think you have a tolerance to him or something.

There MANLY journal I did it, I apologized and stuff. Now here's my death wish if anyone finds it.

_I, Xemnas wish to have a monument built out of muffins dedicated to me. Give all my munny to the charities or whatever and most importantly I wish to have a pet store, a mall and a milk brand named after me. If none of these wishes are granted I will send my ghost to haunt you for eternity._

Now THAT is some big wish, don't you think MANLY journal? Anyway I have to stop writing in this because there's a battle going on in my office between Saix, the kittens and I. Farewell MANLY journal. Also that random guy in the doorway is freaking me out.

* * *

_**End; Gee Xemnas is so over dramatic about things. Now that you have waited for the epicness to continue, your patience awards you with this chapter and most importantly part two in the next. Thank you for reading!**_


	29. The Epicness Part Two

_**And the epicness continues with this**_** chapter...**

* * *

_**Previously on Diary of a Superior…**_

"_MUST RESIST THE URGE. Ah what the heck." The Lunar Diviner dropped the fat cat onto the ground and began batting at the dot on the wall with both his hands. He was also panting and drooling._

"_MUHAHAH! MUHAHA!" _

_Xemnas blinked and stood up straighter and glanced around the room. Saix didn't laugh, it wasn't Vexen. The weird thing was it didn't sound like any of his members…_

_A silhouette of a tall and muscular man was standing in the doorway with red glowing eyes._

"_Saix…" The voice stated in a deep and gruff tone._

_Xemnas couldn't even recognize the voice either, the glowing red eyes sent chills up his spine and he swallowed hard._

_Who is this?_

* * *

The man still stood in the door way, his glowing red eyes glaring at the two men.

"Who are you?" Xemnas inquired as he took a step towards the door. Saix was too busy with the laser pointer to care about what was going on.

"Saix…." The voice repeated again. The blunette didn't even bother to turn around; instead he still batted the wall.

"SAIX!" This time the deep voice vibrated the floors and Saix froze in place and turned around.

"Yes?"

"I am your father."

Xemnas gasped and fainted while landing on some kittens while Saix just stared wide eyed and mouth agape.

"You're…My father?" The Lunar Diviner asked, unsure if this was true and took a step forward.

The silhouette grew bigger as the man took a step inside and the blackness of the form faded in the light, revealing a tall muscular short haired brunette named Lexeaus whom is number five in the Organization.

"No, I just thought it would've been fun to say." He replied as he took a few steps towards Xemnas, "What happened to him?" He asked as he crossed his arms over his chest and slightly nudged Xemnas on his side.

"He's been frightened." Saix replied as he took a few steps towards Xemnas.

The Superior began picking up his head and slowly sat up; allowing the smooshed kittens to run away which Saix gave the evil eye. As Xemnas' vision cleared up he rubbed his head and stared Lexeaus right in the eyes.

"Lexeaus?" Xemnas inquired as he stood on his feet.

"Yes, now I'm not going to ask what's happening in here but you have a package."Said man replied in his deep and monotone voice.

"But I didn't recognize your voice…Wait, you never talk that's why." Xemnas mused aloud while crossing his arms, "But that laugh…"

"Oh that? Zexion and I were actually trying to scare you so I was actually laughed into a microphone that was plugged into a device that allowed him to change the effects of my voice." The tall and muscular nobody replied, "Come on out Zexion."

A few footsteps were heard and in came the slate haired nobody with a slight wave.

"I'd better change the things I wrote about them in my MANLY journal later…" Xemnas thought to himself as he glared evilly at the two.

"Farewell Superior." And with that the two nobodies left the room leaving Saix and Xemnas exchanging death glares.

"Now it's time to end these felines." Saix stated through gritted teeth as he summoned his claymore and swung at Xemnas' hand, knocking the laser pointer onto the floor.

"No! I won't let that happen!" The Superior yelled as he then summoned his energy filled red ethereal blades.

But what the two didn't know is that the nobodies that supposedly left the room were sitting in lounge chairs munching away on buttered popcorn and watching the fight scene in the doorway.

"Zexion, pass the popcorn you hog." Said Lexeaus as he reached for the bowl only to have Zexion move it away even more.

"You can have it when I'm finished." He replied as he crammed a handful into his mouth.

"This happens every time. You hog it up and finish the entire bowl and only leave the kernels behind for me." his friend complained with a wave of his hands, "Now hand it over or I promise I will smash you upside the head with my Tomahawk." Lexeaus stated in a serious tone while punching his palm over and over.

With a roll of the eyes Zexion gave the bowl to Lexeaus.

"Superior I've had enough with this foolishness!" Saix bellowed as he swung his claymore only to have Xemnas block the attack with one of his blades.

"So have I number seven." Xemnas replied as he blocked every one of his opponent's attacks.

"That's it!" Saix screamed as he duck under one of Xemnas' head attacks and dove for a cat on the floor and held his claymore to its throat, "Touch me and this little one see's the end."

Lexeaus and Zexion gasped as they put on their red and blue 3D glasses.

"Oh it's more lifelike." Lexeaus remarked as he passed the bowl to Zexion., "Hey I thought you were allergic to cats." He stated as he munched the last few pieces in his mouth

"I am but I had Vexen create a remedy for me, it seems to be working perfectly." The slate haired nobody replied as he took a handful and crammed it into his mouth again.

"Put that cat down!" Xemnas demanded angrily.

"Never." Saix replied, "Put your weapon down and then maybe I'll be more cooperative."

With a huff Xemnas' ethereal blades disappeared in his hands, "Better?" He asked with a sigh.

"No." He replied with a smirk. Saix then swung his claymore back to get ready to hurt the poor little fuzz ball like a dude in a baseball game.

"Nooooooo!" Xemnas screamed as he then used the force to grab the cat and bring it into his own arms which worked perfectly.

"What the?" Saix inquired aloud as he stared daggers into Xemnas' eyes and then leaped into the air with his claymore and was getting ready to smash Xemnas on the head when suddenly Xemnas shouted, "MUFFIN!" And immediately Xemnas began to be engulfed by literally a large blueberry muffin with all the cats inside while Saix smashed down onto the muffin force field and bounced back, slamming against the wall knocking him unconscious.

"Mooo!"

The two sitting in the lounge chairs turned around and saw Xemnas' cow walking towards them.

"Oh hey Betsy." Zexion greeted as he patted the cows snout.

"You named it Betsy?" Lexeaus inquired while staring at the cow.

"Yes, I did. At least I didn't name my weapon Mrs. Frizzles." Zexion replied while cramming his mouth.

"Hey, don't diss Mrs. Frizzles." Lexeaus said while pointing a finger at his friend.

The silver haired superior was crouched and crammed inside the muffin with at least ten kittens and the two adult cats.

"Mr. Whiskers, you didn't tell me you were a father!" Xemnas exclaimed as he grabbed his fat feline and cuddled him tightly.

"Meow meow meow."

"Ahhh the wonders of the cat language…" Xemnas stated in a dreamy fashion while his eyes were glazed in thought.

The tiny balls of fur were cuffing and biting each other playfully and some even enjoyed Xemnas' cloak as a toy of their own.

"Hey, hey, hey, not my precious cloak. I've had this for ages." He remarked as he picked up an orange tabby kitten off his shoulder and set it on the squishy blueberry muffin ground.

"Who knew Xemnas could use the force and hide inside a blueberry muffin?" Lexeaus mused aloud as he took the bowl of popcorn from his friend.

"I guess that's what happens when you become Superior for so long." Zexion replied as he licked his gloveless fingers.

"Imagine what Saix would be like if he became Superior."

"We would die Lexeaus, we would die."

"What about Marluxia as Superior?" Lexeaus inquired as he turned his head to look at the expression his friend would have.

"Lexaeus, don't even go there." Zexion replied with no emotion whatsoever.

* * *

_**End; Oh no Saix is unconscious! Will he be crazy like Xemnas when he wakes up? What's up with Xemnas? And WHAT IN KINGDOM HEARTS IS GOING ON? Lexeaus is having conversations! Please review and thanks so much for reading!**_


	30. Saix Loves Kittens?

**Oh my blueberry muffins! It's been a while since I updated! I was re reading my previous chapters and thought, "Man, I need to improve on my writing…" Haha I think it's because I've been writing a lot better recently but haven't posted my crazy ideas… YET. Ah well you guys seem to like it and that's all that matters.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_**Previously on Diary Of A Superior…**_

"_Nooooooo!" Xemnas screamed as he then used the force to grab the cat and bring it into his own arms which worked perfectly._

"_What the?" Saix inquired aloud as he stared daggers into Xemnas' eyes and then leaped into the air with his claymore and was getting ready to smash Xemnas on the head when suddenly Xemnas shouted, "MUFFIN!" And immediately Xemnas began to be engulfed by literally a large blueberry muffin with all the cats while Saix smashed down onto the muffin force field and bounced back, slamming against the wall knocking him unconscious._

"_Mooo!"_

_The two sitting in the lounge chairs turned around and saw Xemnas' cow walking towards them._

"_Oh hey Betsy." Zexion greeted as he patted the cows snout._

"_You named it Betsy?" Lexeaus inquired while staring at the cow._

"_Yes, I did. At least I didn't name my weapon Mrs. Frizzles." Zexion replied while cramming his mouth._

"_Hey, don't diss Mrs. Frizzles." Lexeaus said while pointing a finger at his friend._

_Xemnas was crouched and crammed inside the muffin with at least ten kittens and the two adult cats._

"_Mr. Whiskers, you didn't tell me you were a father!" Xemnas exclaimed as he grabbed his fat feline and cuddled him tightly._

"_Meow meow meow."_

"_Ahhh the wonders of the cat language…" Xemnas stated in a dreamy fashion while his eyes were glazed in thought._

_The tiny balls of fur were cuffing and biting each other playfully and some even enjoyed Xemnas' cloak as a toy of their own._

"_Hey, hey, hey, not my precious cloak. I've had this for ages." He remarked as he picked up an orange tabby kitten off his shoulder and set it on the squishy blueberry muffin ground._

"_Who knew Xemnas could use the force and hide inside a blueberry muffin?" Lexeaus mused aloud as he took the bowl of popcorn from his friend._

"_I guess that's what happens when you become Superior for so long." Zexion replied as he licked his gloveless fingers._

"_Imagine what Saix would be like if he became Superior."_

"_We would die Lexeaus, we would die."_

"_What about Marluxia as Superior?" Lexeaus inquired as he turned his head to look at the expression his friend would have._

"_Lexaeus, don't even go there." Zexion replied with no emotion whatsoever._

* * *

The repetitive beeping of a heart monitor sounded in the small room where an operating table was. The muscular figure of Xemnas lay unconscious while four surgeons surrounded his sleeping form all dressed in mint green attire with matching masks. Tools were held in their hands. Tools that would make any person no matter how old shiver in fear.

"Vexen, I don't think he's going to make it." A woman mumbled whose hair was blonde and slicked back. She interestingly had two long strands of hair that were gelled into antennae like things.

Vexen, the creepy blonde scientist stared off into the distance while knitting his eyebrows and mumbled through gritted teeth, "Dinkleberg…"

"Show me the car facts!" Demyx stated happily with a smile that was hidden under his mask.

Suddenly the boom of the door slammed opened against the white wall and in stepped a young boy with brown spikes and ocean blue eyes. He was known as Sora.

He looked proud and mighty like a warrior of some sort. He raised his eyebrows as if trying to impress and said, "I'm Sora Hasselhoff." Then with a poof he was gone just like that in a puff of smoke like a magician in a cartoon.

Nobody seemed to even notice that it even happened.

Suddenly there were echoes in the distance, voices that were barely audible but then got louder every second that passed. The words were now clearer and it sounded like they were saying number sevens name…

"Saix! Saix! Saix!"

What was happening?

"Saix! Saix! Saix!"

The eyes of the blunette had fluttered opened at the sound of his name and rubbed the back of his head. Oh it was only a dream. If that was real then Sora would have been killed by the members anyway.

He wasn't quite aware of where he was and looked around the room in confusion.

In front was a man with silver hair and glowing ember eyes. He was squatting on the ground with his back facing him. He noticed that this man's arm was moving slightly as if he was writing something or fiddling with something in his hands.

Saix groaned and instantly the silver haired man jerked his head around quickly and shoved something pink into his cloak pocket.

"So, you have finally awoken. I had given up seconds ago." He spoke in a deep tone without any emotion.

The scar faced Nobody formed his lips into words but nothing came out. Xemnas, the sliver haired man cocked his head to the side as if trying to decipher what the blunette was saying.

"S-S-San-n-n-nmex." Saix spoke with much trouble.

"Sanmex?" The Superior inquired. "What can that- oh." He then paused and raised his eyebrows. "You DO know who I am, you're just talking backwards."

The blue haired man nodded his head quickly and then looked past the tall silver haired man and saw small, fluffy figures walking on their short legs.

He extended his arm and pointed to the kittens and blurted out, "Snettik! Yeht… Yeht era os etuc…" **(Translation: Kittens! They…They are so cute…)**

Xemnas, weirdly enough seemed to understand what Saix was saying and raised an eyebrow in confusion. Cute? Didn't Saix hate cats?

The now messed up Saix stood on his two feet and dashed towards the kittens. When he saw all twelve balls of fur his eyes grew big and chibi like and his mouth hung open. A squeal escaped his lips as he bent over and picked up a rusty colored kitten and squeezed it in his arms.

Xemnas was confused and slowly rubbed the back of his neck. What was wrong here?

The two other Nobodies, Zexion and Lexaeus were still in the door way in their lounge chairs, enjoying the action in their 3D glasses. Oh and not to mention with the cow Zexion had named Betsy.

"What a second," Xemnas mused quietly to himself. "If Saix loves cats now then maybe I'll be able to keep these kittens without the worry of him cooking them. I just don't know what to do about the talking backwards thing." He tapped a finger on his chin slowly. "As long as it's not a bother to anyone then there's no worry."

The blue haired man was going crazy over all the kittens. He picked one up and squeeze it then, he'd pick another one up. His arms were full of different colored balls of fur.

"Saix," Xemnas called. "How about we return to business and pretend this never happened?"

The man just shrugged and walked out of the room and squeezed by Lexaeus and Zexion with all the kittens in his arms. Mr. Whiskers and Mrs. Fluffles followed closely behind.

Xemnas, the only one left in the room shifted his eyes around the room and stared at Lexeaus and Zexion who were still in the doorway.

"Out!" He ordered loudly.

Instantly, the two picked up their chairs and left along with the cow.

The Superior then sat down in his office chair with a sigh. "So much has been going on. I think it's time for a muffin." He spun around in his chair and opened the Easy Bake Oven door and retrieved the tray of muffins and set them on his office desk.

"But, before I take a bite I need to do something that I should have done a long time ago! I mean it's only right to do this before I eat anything…" Xemnas then opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a pink radio and turned it on with the push of a button. Jazz music started to play.

"Much better." He began wolfing down all six muffins within seconds.

He then stared out his window at the glorious Kingdom Hearts. "Isn't this just a lovely view, muffin tray?"

A face, not just an ordinary face, a creepy face appeared in the window. The face that could only belong to number four, Vexen, the creepiest of them all.

Vexen's big green eyes shifted around with knitted eyebrows and yelled, "DINKLEBERG!" And then disappeared.

The Superior didn't even blink and continued to stare out the window with wide eyes. "I'm going to pretend nothing happened and put on my Strawberry Shortcake show."

* * *

**End. Yay another chappie! A short one that is. **

**Crazy Saix has emerged the premises! What shall they do? And why is Vexen blaming Dinkleberg for everything? Who is Dinkleberg? Only a few may know… But at least things are back to normal and Xemnas can begin dominating milk! GOOO XEMNAS!**


	31. Hopefully Not The Last Diary Entry

**Another chapter! Well, diary er…MANLY journal entry. BE PREPARED the dominating starts FOR REAL whenever the next chapter comes!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

_Dear, SUPER, ULTRA, DELUXE, MANLY journal,_

I, Xemnas, now have a crazy Saix loose in the castle. It seems after he had bounced off my MANLY muffin force field and hit the wall, he had fallen unconscious and awoke as an insane beast. He loves kittens now. What is his problem? Well, here are my solutions to his problems…

**1. **While he was unconscious he probably dreamed he was a Barbie girl. No wait, that doesn't make sense.

**2**. I could let him see Dr. Phil so he can explain his problems to him.

**3.** Maybe Muffin Therapy would work. I could have him bake muffins until his insanity has passed. That would be delightful…And delicious.

**4.** I could send him to The Wal Mart That Never Was and have him check out while talking backwards… Now that would be amusing.

Well, whatever may or may not work I have milk domination to do! I have my Oreo's and now I'm ready! But what if Mrs. Manly Cow doesn't like me anymore? What if she wants to disco dance instead? But surely those cookies will work. I shall begin after my cat nap so I can be fully rested. Planning domination takes a lot of brain work.

Farewell MANLY journal as this may be my last entrance. I may die from my domination process because the police might be after me. That means I need a secret identity while I dominate! Maybe I shall dress up as a woman. I've always wanted to have long, blonde, curly, hair… That way when I have finished my dominating, I can take off the disguise in secret and nobody shall know it was me!

OK this is a real farewell MANLY journal. Good bye. Oh and this time, I'll sign my name.

_- Xemnas _

* * *

**Review please? :)  
**


	32. Collecting Cows

_**Here's the next chapter you've all been waiting for!**_

_**Enjoy! :)**_

_**This would've been updated yesterday but some drunken dude decided it was OK to crash into our telephone poll and have it fall over and block our road. So yeah, no power.**_

* * *

Xemnas was standing in the middle of his office with a package of Oreo cookies clutched near his chest and a cow stood before him. Literally. Mrs. Manly Cow was standing on her hind legs and holding a mirror in her hand, admiring her reflection.

"Oh Mrs. Manly Cow! Look what I have!" The Superior said in a sing song tone while waving the package out in front of him. The cow instantly jerked her head towards him and dropped the mirror. Suddenly, she got down on all fours and started panting like a dog. Her rear was high up in the air and shaking from side to side.

_Hmm, this is going easier than I expected so far…_

He reached inside the package and took a cookie out. "You will only get this _IF_ you agree to hook up your utter to my Utterly MANLY Utter gun!" He exclaimed pride fully. "Or U.M.U for short." He added quietly while he hid the cookie along with the package behind his back.

The cow mooed long and her eyes were glazed as if she was hypnotized by those delicious chocolaty cookies.

Xemnas then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small metal square object and threw it on the floor. Immediately the object unfolded several times and transformed itself into a large space craft that looked like a U.F.O. It was so large that it tore through the ceiling and blasted through the walls in his office. A large gun like object was attached to the left side which had tubes attached that were obviously for the utter.

"Mrs. Manly Cow, all that I ask is that you do not ask me how I made this." The superior stated. He grabbed four long tubes and hooked it up to the cows utter and held out a cookie for her. She gladly took it by engulfing Xemnas hand along with the Oreo. The superior yanked his hand out of her mouth and succeeded. The only problem was, is that his hand was covered in drool.

The milk from her utter was traveling into the ships tank and filling it up quite fast.

"Soon, milk shall be all mine!" He bellowed loudly while throwing his arms up in the air. "But first I need to put on my disguise."

He turned on his heel and began walking towards his office desk that was still surprisingly intact and opened a drawer. Inside was a pink sparkly fabric that felt like silk. The superior grabbed it and began unfolding the soft fabric. A smirk grew on his lips as he held the silk, pink frilly dress in his hands.

With a squeal, Xemnas snapped his fingers and the dress appeared on him with a poof.

The dress was strapless and went down towards his shins. On his big feet were matching high heeled sandals that shined in the light. His hair wasn't silver but blonde and curly from a wig that appeared on his head. A matching pink bow was clipped on the right side of the wig.

"Now, if only I could learn how to talk like a woman, then I'd be all set." He spoke to himself. Suddenly a baby pink colored book appeared in his hands that was entitled, "_How To Talk Like a Woman and be All Set". _

"Wow," He said as his ember eyes grew wide in ecstatic. "This outfit really is magical, all I do is snap on the dress and all these accessories come with it!" His fingers flipped open the cover and turned through a few pages until he came across a page that was entitled, _**"Words And Sentences To Use". **_

His eyes quickly scanned over the page and absorbed all the information that he needed.

After reading the last sentence in the chapter he knew he was ready to take it to the ultimate test. The superior cleared his throat, "I like, totally, like, bought, like, this new purse, like, just like, yesterday and like, like, it's like, so cute!" He exclaimed over dramatically with a higher pitched tone and hand gestures.

The cow's mouth dropped to the floor in disgust and she mooed.

"Oh sorry Mrs. Manly Cow, I can't forget about you." He stated. The superior walked back over to the air craft and unhooked the tubes from the cow.

* * *

Later on, Xemnas was ready to fly off in his ship. He got the woman language down, enough milk to blow up a single planet and enough Oreo's to bring all cows under his command. Packages of the cookies were stuffed into the small trunk of the ship.

He opened the ships door and sat in the seat that was very comfortable, just like his office chair. Mrs. Manly cow sat next to him in the co-pilots seat and was sipping on a juice box. She acted like a little kid, sucking up the last remnants and scrunching up the box.

After pressing some colorful buttons and switches he announced in a serious tone, "Taking off in three, two, one." Immediately the air craft started up and shook a few times. Flames came from the back and it flew off, making the castle area where his office was, burst into flames. Hopefully no cats or kittens or even Nobody's were there. And if there was, he wouldn't really care anyways.

A big smile was plastered on his face as he was flying the ship around in the air. His eyes peered through the large, glass windshield in front of him and stared down at the castle. Large flames began licking away at the building as he sweat dropped.

The ship whipped to the right and his now glove-less hand pulled back a lever and the ship began to go into turbo speed. Mrs. Manly Cow quickly clasped her hooves over her snout and closed her eyes tightly. The force was just too powerful and she was about to puke her guts out. Xemnas however, was enjoying the powerful ride and is mouth was wide open with a smile.

"We're almost to Dairy World!" Xemnas exclaimed loudly over the trembling shaking the air craft was making. The superiors cheeks were flapping around and his eyes were wide open.

Suddenly, a robotic female voice sounded and said, "You will have reached your destination in 8.432653 seconds."

Seconds later, the ship had come to a complete stop and sent Xemnas and Mrs. Manly Cow flying forward and slamming their faces against the windshield. Below, he saw the barns, hay piles and fenced in animals roaming around.

"Alright," He said proudly to himself as he dusted off his hands and sat straight in his seat. "Time to bribe those cows." A devilish smirk grew on his lips as he extended his hand and pulled a lever. A drawn out squeak was heard as the trunk opened and the hundreds of cookies fell out of the back.

He peered down below to see the large black and white animals making their way towards the Oreo's. Once he saw that at least ten cows got near he decided to press a thick, blue button. A drawn out squeak was heard as the bottom of the ship opened up like a sliding door and let out a large metal dome that fell onto the ground below, trapping the cows.

With an excited squeal, the superior clapped his hands together and pressed a yellow button and when he did, a long chord came flying down from a door sliding open at the bottom of the ship. The chord landed on the large metal dome below. Attached to the chord was a hook that latched onto an arch shaped structure on the dome.

Xemnas rubbed his hands together maliciously and pulled a lever. With a click, the chord began to wind up in the ship and began pulling up the dome of cows. Minutes later, the dome was now in the ship and the sliding doors both shut.

"I still need more cows!" The superior stated as he pressed some buttons on a large touch screen. Once he was finished the robotic female voice said,

"You will arrive at The Dunkin' of the Donuts in exactly 2.69 minutes."

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Oh great, Xemnas is going to The Dunkin' of the Donuts and getting more cows all in a dress!**


End file.
